DAYBYDAYBYDAY

an ad hoc dimestore novelette.

By J J Galbraith

Heres the second bit

 

 

Sunday 1 May 1988

 

        Here it is. Mayday mayday. At last its arived. Belt up and bolt on for beltane. Run ragged with the white witches. The prissy middle class wimps trying to combat their own inferiority with spurious superiority. The classy keepers of arcane know how. The crowley crackers. Its not all black hats and broomsticks they wheedlingly lugubriously intone. Thus at a stroke killing all our fantasies and replacing them with their own minority group snobbery. Only antidote to this is a minority of one then dont tell anyone. Live anonymously. Anonymous bosch the printer of devilish ideals.

                Have just discovered that this is the forty third day I have been doing this. Thus equalling my previous record which was from july two to august thirteen nineteen eighty three. Well hear goes once more after a five year hiatus which which is superimosed somewhat to the right of a seven and a half year bender which even now seems set to roar its rampant head from the foot of the subconscious as it has me here both celebrating mayday the forty third day finishing exploding ticket in record time and at the same time sneakily stealthily helping itself to a surreptitious drink.

                Sometimes I feel like I'm sat in the dock in a court of law. All around me the bewigged courtesans bob and courtsey and speak in weird aromatic tongues. I cannot understand them and they cannot understand me. They do not understand each other. But it matters not they have the law on their side whatever that is supposed to be. The law comes out of the judges hammer. He bangs it and all stand to attention. They hang on every dribbling salivating word that drools incoherently from his flabby puckered lips. Then they pronounce sentence. If I had a hammer then I too could reply in the same lacklustre way invoking the same archaic malevolent powers.

                Whilst collecting the data on the number of daze this has been in production I had extraordinary difficulty untangling a maze of shirtz from the face of the bureau. They have been there for many days now. They look up each morning expectantly as I enter the room. With their sad masochistic eyes they implore me to brand them. To line their arms with sharp metal creases. But I will not. To the end I will remain the cowardly millicent pacifist that I have become. Living this life of vicarious ease in my recluses den. Seeing no one and nothing. Live on a diet of old movies and strange books. That I flash past my eyes likes ticker tape. The faster it goes the more I will accomplish. What matter whether it is understood or not. I no longer have the time or the patience. In fact it all goes in I know. Only to come out again. Come is a verb to is a prepostion. Twenty years later surfacing through cuddly ben as job is a word blow is a word. Josh sandler please note. Jump into your britvic fifty five and blow off the highway.

                So where are we now. Here once more but on this festive occasion here at one for a bumper edition. Which is also a blind to save me going to davies murrell and smashing out jaze figurines. Holy jaze says jumping john macafferty barrelling out of the boozer with nothing on his mind but a hat. And not any old hat but a fuckin hat. And not any old mind but a fucking mind. Not nay old pub or nay old day. But just a minute now will you I'll be there in a fucking minute. Will you just fucking shut up now I said I'd be fucking home didnt I. Will you shut your fucking mouth. So it goes. the tribal chant the symbol of virilirty. Fuck is a word just a word. A noise . Short and crude from the animal daze of yesteryear. From the outer limits of black and white slim line conscious. The bancoed imago. In white furled ruffles of total emptyness.

                So I woke then as I say at ten this morning on the so far in the lounge where I'd fell asleep at six this snoring where I'd fell all over sleep like through halfway in a movie tone. Then though as I woke this is it I must up to face the day but really you see I didnt have so very much heart in it. I felt tired I ached my options were few. So I made some coffee from instant brew. I opened a letter that arrived yesterday morn. Not my cert as I'd previous hoped which seems like the tax has taken a liking too and will hold in lien on my balls. No not that but as if my money cares were not already more than I could stand here was none other than a glorious glossy fold out technical high life mag for all the latest in computer tech which will do everything imaginable with your words except for the one all important one of extracting them from your head. Which said then this I suppose forms simply just a part. Some casual asides adrian notes from the other side.

                A smoke to enjoy with my beer. My breakfast here this bright spring sunday afternoon at just gone two. Which I trust will keep me intact for the aching head has finally gone. As I ditched the whisky last night and went on to vitamin sea encrusted ribena for a pick me up cure all which same seems to have worked as I sat all night or rather lay on the so far with the tee vee at the end the lower left corner being somewhat obscured by the right hand as you look at it arm of the so said so far. But watched a spate of movies thus clearing channels in the team of choking tapes which somehow pass on their over indulgent flatulence into the worry beads that spin ever more merrily at all daze and ours through the vast diminishing returns of my head. So said I also in a fit of get it together which said is to open the door into dangerous territory decide to give up yet again smoking being at times overwhelmed with terrible dismal abyssmal thoughts that I might have cancer or aids or some such agony on the way and in fact had the last this morning at twenty past ten but now as I sit here the thought of computing this line is too much without and I repaired to the garage for smokes and watched there the array of cassettes previously unnoticed for want of something new but considering the blanco valances they are best left most firmly where they are. But I have the luxury all be it small of a cool languishing smoke. The pleasure al be it short lived of a kool relaxing drink.

                Then theres also the knowledge that somehow I can if I want read with out hindrance much faster than I do as witness the exploding ticket that has lain halfway through since a year hence and now at a fell snoop demolished this morning. Though not in fact when after I checked the timings so fast as I thought. But much faster than previous. Maybe perhaps I too was hypnotised or whatever when at three this morning as I watched the start of mirror it begun with a boy with a speech impediment have it cured by a lady psychiatrist who took all the tension down into his hands then made it vanish at the count of three. Which maybe as well inside me at the same time took place also but down deeper at a lower level I cannot despite all my trying ordinarily reach. Or is it just the inner voice that has for so long as if working against me caught up at last.

                Now I am stuck. What will I read next and what will I write next. Do I when I write simply spew back out again in suitably altered context what just previous I have read. And why do I read is it just to have something to say and thus something to write. And why do I write. Is it just to have some reason to read. A container forever filling forever emptying trying impossibly to reach either of the extreme states. Complete emptynees which would mean at last rebirth and escape and complete saturation which would mean early death and at last too also freedom from all of this. Do I think of what I read remember it or understand it. I do not think so very much on the surface but perhaps deeper down on the underground it is all there hurtling back to and fro. Conjuring up tricks and dreams I can never remember. The films too are they also just the same. Is there in fact anything I really want to do see or say. I do not think I can answer that. I cannot even decide whether the question should even be posed.

                Now the day stretchs quite pleasant before and I wonder what should I do. Read write or watch. Or go out and visit. Though who could I visit. What would I do there. More important what would I say. Better I feel to remain intact in here. Planning great epics. Indulging my whim for off the cuff indulgence. Wondering all the while whither shall I go next.

 

Monday 2 May 1988

 

                Monday at midnight or just gone. Just finished watching fleetwood mac and jazz on a summers day. Went to work and finally got it all together. Well with a bit of judicious interpretation on one or two things. First time I've ever done that. Normally I'm so obsessed with finding every last penny. This time as time was of the essence I cut a few corners. And like he padre suddenly discovered that the world doesnt stop in fact nothing much changes only that life becomes that much more easy. So I almost got it done in one but quit at eight after ringing flex and trying unsuccessfully to contact jay. Still it wont take much in the morning. Should be done by lunch time. Had a reasonable meal as well when I got in. Though I had to eat it carefully round this appallingly bad tooth thats developing. So now to do the washing up the washing in to soak and then hit the sack.

 

Tuesday 3 May 1988

 

                Night owling at half two. Fading tones of scritti jaques derrida fading away. All the things I thought of before to put down likewise. What were they. Oh just the stumbling sticking needles of the day. The blackbird on the station the phone call to rodders goodys retirement jay keeping shtoom. Myself trapped in the tram wires of existentialism. Unable to change anything. Until now. Are we not men. What happens happens. Its no big deal. Just to grow up and be free of all that fear of being found out. Like the padre discover the great joys of lying. Get away from that awful search for perfection which is only an ultimate defence mechanism. However it is used. Whether for confidence or just to put up a shield against the world. Now just let it dissolve. Drift into the day which was most relaxing despite the many little stumbles. My toothache is on the wane helped by a couple of pints at lunch and then at night plus some judicious eating. Soft food as opposed to whole food. Though I suppose soft is still whole unless someones already had a bite. In which case watch out for aids and even more so for the captain. Standing guard on the whole shoulder. Jabbering away incessantly. Nudging and poking. But no fear on that score. Eating well like a big casey on the train without any of the attendant paranoia that sometimes accompanies such outings. Like I can remember times when macdonalds was a no go area. Though in retro thats hardly surprising. though not of course mac a la francais and grosse deutsche mac which are of course licenced. Which reminds me the god damn box licenec is up for grabs. Thought of waiting a coupla months and reregistering. Bring out old alter chase adam ego. We'll see. The ever present obsession with getting away with it still always there hugging away in the bear ground. Still have started to swing the tiller keep it going. Discussed this with stephen tonight. Amongst other things. I was in quite good voice. Talking fast at any rate though that was partly due to being late though that was partly due to taking control a point with which he too agreed. So wheres that at now. Snow joe rang and I'll see him tomorrow for lunch in the dolphinarium. Leap a couple of waves I guess. And wave one now for its just turned three and I'm for the road. So long.

 

Wednesday 4 May 1988

 

                Started a new job. Rumbling on through temp city. Lemmy caution in black and white ville. The prisoner of my own highland innocence. But making it work. No not realy. Thats just something I thought of while watching the last part of brondo san. Wrote down on the top of an old indie as my little green philo was through in the other room in my right waistcoat pocket. No the left one. The right ones got a whole in it. Theres a whole in my waistcoat dear liza. Best one too. One of the remaining two good thirds of my last good suit. The pants having succumbed to my sagging waistline. Though I guess they never had a chance as it was bought in a rush one luncheonette time in the last preceding months of pre amerika. The upstairs of some cheapo shop near the top of oxo street. Myself at the time on some existential binge of full blown asceticism fondly imagining I could live on five hundred a day. Calories that is. Hence the fact the pants never fat. For the asceticism soon gave way to the alcoholetism. That and the fact that mr gee on once admiring it went straight out and bought one similar and being nothing if not a teensy weensy bit vain that sewed upon it the kiss of death. That and maybe the fact that it was in fact only bought to replace another that I bought for my ma's funeral and having just suddenly seen one I needed which being exceedingly rare unless you go to german street which I have always had a horror of prefering in fact to buy mine from ox farm or the jumble or whatever and also having never moaned more than about four suits in my whole life and these even all still existing here somewhere though being in varying distraits of disrepair such as curry marks beer stains ciggy burns white heat sweat rings under the oxters none could reasonably be said to be admirable. What the hell I dont like suits much to wear. The waistcoats okay it makes a good holder for the music machine when one is so inclined. Providing the pockets are in good nick which nowadays owing to this accursed santa claus money they very rarely are. Soo. What of the day the nature of which I feel sure I'm trying hard to disguise by all this meaningless preamble of zoots and things. Maybe because after one day you can never tell anyway and so rather than run the risk of proving myself wrong I'll keep shtoom til such time as I have made up my mind. Like really such as lunchtime today with the queen of denmark puffing hard on highway sixty one revisited sat there over a pint with snow joe still I wouldnt be drawn on the nature of the place for fear of flying eyes of which I kept watch with sharp anxious paranoid glances at intervals. In fact its fine. Really so. Very laid back. Kind of like the civil service. No panics. Plenty to do and the people are fine. Small office. Its bristow country and for an old cocoa and slippers man like myself it suits just fine. That word again haunting me again like the west end tax office in the basement of vincent house. Even jules having been self employed and getting threatening letters from el taxo the hangman. Chewing absently on a raw tarot. John doing a runner from the A&P. Just like home really. For a few weeks anyway. An uplifting day that got me doing some exercise again tonight after a ten day lay over and eating well. This last considerably helped now by the fact that the tooty pegatty seems to have cured itself at last. Well I hope so. Some things still hard though. I tried a bowl of alpen before and that was murder. Well okay if you watch for the gaps. But they seem to be gaining as the molars go into reverse. I think its just small holes. So many of them though that keep getting infiltrated by stray abandoned bits of livingstone then give me hell. They need filling I guess. However having done a runner from the dento fore last I'm now somehow wary of treading into new pastures of plenty. Liza do something. Come on down. The scotch I think the other night finally cracked it. Quite amazed really to find I can take a whole smacking gob full of the stuff now and hold it there for about three or four minutes without even so much as a wretch. Then swallow it down like milk and honey. Well I suppose so. I've never tried that but it always sounds good. Maybe no one has. Maybe its just the clear conscious of knowing its purely medicinal that makes it so sweet. Anyway it took from friday night to monday to get through a bottle so thats not even drinking. Not by prior standards. Though it gave my head a few dunts on the way. Still great on the teeth and the gums. Let it burn in a while. Clear out all tied tape krapp. Soo. It rolls. It rolls and it flows. And for that give thanx.

 

Thursday 5 May 1988

 

                So second day and wound up watching woodstock at the end of the night. Still as its a ten o'clock start no sweat. Woodstock so far full of memories and curios. Joan baez looking like rosalie crutchly. How young cocker was. Thinking all these years arlo guthrie was carrying a couple of geese into los angelinos. How alvin lee looks like louise out of john dear. Though the whole evening has been full of chance coincidences. Sugarcubes playing at gala. Request from bridgewater. Jim sadler in wilts. Fishing the missing docs out of the garbage tonight. The key to it all buried under a ton of sax. Saw snow joe for a pint. In there with the whole crew. Two days now and just two pints. Take it real slow. Seems the best. Didnt ring anyone. I was going to but never got round to it by the time I got in and got sorted. Will see tomorrow. Did some exercises again tonight. Goddamn near killed me. No not really. Just that I'm tired thats all. Maybe thats why I dont dream at the moment. Did catch a few stray words the last couple of nights though. Thats the ones you hear just before dropping into the chasm. The strange and senseless ones. Welling up from nowhere. You hardly ever catch them and even when you do you suddenly realise that they were there already talking. Probably all the time. Shouting more often that not. The second day went well. Quiet really. Spent the whole day putting a batch in. Found out the other guy was sacked once came back and has gone again. Seems good buddies with john. Just like home really. Boozers. People getting threatened by the bailiffs chased by the tax. But quiet peaceful too. No thrusting aggressive young men. No yuppies. No creepy crawlers climbers make out men incessant chatterers people scared of silence. In a word none of the multinational deal. Do it yourself coffee from a large tray like a gross of airline marmalade pots. Every one in woodstock looks stoned. Some embarrassingly so. Hey man like you know but like yeah like but like you know. Yeah man. Can you dig it. Sly stone looking like ricky blair with his horn toting sisters. Janis and jimi to go. Must close and grab a portion of fries. Large or regular. Can you dig it. Port o san the movie.

 

Friday 6 May 1988

 

                Finally here after all this attending. Godot. Infinitely better than I ever imagined it to be. So simple really. Finished in fine style at five and just strolled on down to the cheap ticker and there it was. Shining out down from the board. Filled in the time looking for a book as I thought I'd have time to kill which in fact I killed by the act of buying it. Spent much time finding the right one which turned out to be none other than old bull balloon and the exterminator. It seems like I'm now at last getting in touch or in tune. Still some fine tuning but the best way to achieve that is just ignore it. So saying. Bon soir peeps.

 

Saturday 7 May 1988

 

                Saturday on sunday. Late in the post noon. Well almost the evening really. Originally I was going to write this yesterday morning but. Finally. Never got round to it. Woke at half ten after having slept right through from about half two. Was really tired last night. Hence yesterdays short burst. As well it stopped there since on reading it back I seemed poised to launch into some sanctimonious self con grats and pointers for the good life. Yuk. Lord preserve I should ever stumble there. Rather down in to the pit and have my finger nails removed unanaesthetically. Yep spelled that right. Still looks wrong though. What ever. Maybe its all wrong. I dont know I dont feel comfortable writing just now. Feeling as though I'm just creating words to fill the page. Something to do to fill the time. Like godot perhaps. So strange. It leaves such an impression but after when you try to describe what it was you saw or felt or thought you saw or thought you felt you're never really sure. Maybe thats what its really about. How do you ever actually know if anything does really happen. Well I got up today that actually happened. Well no it didnt not like that since this is yesterday I'm talking about this being sunday now. So its not. But it is in the way that I also got up today as well. But how to distinguish between the two. Perhaps I'll never know but live forever wondering. Wandering in between. Anyway I thought about running but settled for a round of aero phobics. Then lounged in the bath for a while listening to suzanne vega and letting my mind rip on. Its a great place for ideas the bath. The hot water somehow sweats it out of you. Only problem is writing it down. Need waterproof paper to do the job proper. Still managed it in lloyd still. Still have the notes I took. I know. I was that water baby. I was going to write up projects conjured up there plus the mechanics of the whole process. Still that was under special conditions. Unlimited hot water and a superior rate of delivery. Still whatever I'm now writing this at half past the midnight oil so must press on and up. Had some breakfast. This is saturday still and where has the weekend gone. Then went to la scala to see rivers edge and blue velvet. The river was good though the guy lane seemed to be trying to do tracey ullman impersonations all the way through. Blue velvet was something else again. That one too seems to stay with you in weird ways. Dennis hopper gets better and better. He was in both but in a class of his own as mad frank. Weird and creepy. Even lynx back to eraserhead with some of the sound track and a couple of the visuals. Got back here in time for flex. He came over with his two smallest kids who had fun with the guitar and looking at the graveyard through the binocs. Had supper round there and stayed til about half two. Had quite a few cans but nothing out of hand. After flex detailed jerome to escort me home which is kind of funny as he's only about a third of my size. Still in a clinch would no doubt be more effective than yours truly. In the event it was a calm clear cool evening and jerome had his bmx for a hasty retreat. I came in and hit the sack immediately.

 

Sunday 8 May 1988

 

                Woke at nine this morning with a blinder of a head. Due to mixing kestrel and some kind of bitter I've forgotten. This was due to flex and mrs flex continually filling my glass the minute it sunk about an inch below the top. Still what can you do. Much better that than sitting with an empty glass. Had a couple of neuro surgeons and a cup of filter then crashed out again til one when I woke with everything clear. I read exterminator for about a half hour then got up. Was going to continue it all day but never got back to it one way and another. After putting some washing in to soak had breakfast then rang eamo and was speaking for about an hour. His book seems to be coming on a pace. Will ring him again later in the week probably about wednesday. After hung out the washing. Well hung wyes et al. Then started editing out some of doug kershaws shows and writing this up. Didnt get far as I started watching shattered dreams about forty links of israel and then towards the end discovered the second part of troubles was on so watched that as well taking out just a little time out for a smoked mac and then spag with mince bacon and chicken livers. Now finishing up writing the finishing touchs to this whilst listening to nosrat fata ali khan qal. Put some of that in your pipe. See everything from tangier to the himalayas at one fell swoop. Now must go. Finish the bits and pieces and prepare for tomorrow which never comes.

 

Monday 9 May 1988

 

                But it does and it did. Somewhat later than expected due to some kind of cock up in the timings. Mainly I think due to the fact that I dropped my watch in the kitchen last night at twenty past two. Well at least that was the time it said when I picked it up to check if it was still working and that was the time I used when setting up the alarum which had been on shut down for the weekend. Then again the setting device on it is only accurate to about a quarter of an hour and this differential is further complicated by the fact that dial is so small that twelve minutes are fitted into about a half millimetre. Needless to say all this was lost on me as I quietly retired to the land of nod. Funny expression that especilly as a nod in preston is a french letter or rubber johnny. Or is that ersatz onion seller. Whatever. I tried old bill for a while but couldnt get into it so settled for a little light self abuse instead and disappeared about the back of three to wake at what I thought would be quarter past seven but in fact was half seven which on further investigation turned out to be a quarter to eight. Thus when I dropped the watch it must of knocked it back a quarter of an hour. In fact now that I think of it it wasnt even twenty past two when I dropped it for that was the time it had stopped at it being still at this time when I looked this morning. I was thus at something of a quandary in deciding when to go in.

                This was really an extension of the night before though in this case a psychological as opposed to a mechanical one. For I couldnt decide last night what time to go in today. Due partly to the fact that I've never really known what time I'm supposed to start here and also I wasnt quite sure how to go about contacting task force. Even whether I wanted to. Should I or shouldnt I. How to handle the phone apart from just picking it up. How to find out what number we're on. Whats my extension. Whats my line. Take it away lady barnet. I thought about going in early then ringing from there or going in early and ringing from a call box. Whether to invest in a tax deductible green card. Truck on down the euro line. Ring the change at every exchange. Like belgian gas station attendants who carry every currency thats ever been invented this side of the albanian lek. So with all this going on I decided to have a bath instead and defer the whole tax deductible caboodle. Before enetering the submersible I decided to try and fix my watch as I get paranoid about the time flitting away as I lie steamily submerged in the grip of the interior monocoque. I could use the alarm but its somehow not aesthetically pleasing sat stonily there glaring at me on the bathroom scales. So I thought I would attempt to repair my favourite trusty ruskie watch. Its never been quite right since I managed to knock the face of it as I was stumbling round here at dawn some while ago. In a rush to get to work I tried in vain to get it back on but to no avail. then as time was running out I put the watch in my pocket and wore it faceless thinking I'd try and reappear it on the train. This was when going contra flow I hasten to add. Anyway I forgot how damn delicate these things are now that glasnost is here and so the second hand got all tangled up and bent out of shape so that when I did get the face back on which I did reasonably easily once sat on the seven thirty nine to nowhere right into romford left into station it still wouldnt go as the the big hand and the little hand were now fouling its orbit round the dial. Eventually of course I sorted this out with a bit of judicious twisting. Well it did work until this latest episode. So before diving into the tub I again effected some hasty repairs. I got the face off quite easily. In fact I think it may be starting to work loose. When I first tried it it needed a crowbar to get it off failing that is a drunken stumble and a mallet to get it back on. Now its almost like the top of a marmalade jar. A little sticky but responds to a firm hand. I sussed that the second hand was at fault and gave it a quick twist. Much in the same manner that I took a scouring pad to my glasses some weeks ago and with similar results. From the side it looked like a section of frozen spaghetti and nothing would turn at all. Surmising that desperate measures were called for I decided to rip it off though at the same time taking care to leave the other intact. Backwards and forwards we tussled. The second hand and me. Skidding across the linoleum. Eventually with a triumphant crack it broke free and went sailing free from my hand. A thorough search of the immediate location failed to dislodge its whereabouts and I have been searching ever since.

                On the tube to work I looked up and down through the carriages and was suddenly most disconcerted to find in the next carriage down a gentleman who looked uncannily like myself. Or at least bearing a more than passing resemblance to the image I have of myself. Even down to the tuft of hair sticking up from the crown of his head. Mine of course is now disguised under somewhat bizarre arrangements concocted out of a do it yourself barbers kit and hair sculpture which is performed after running long distances in a balaclava. But even as I was thinking all this . No thats not true. I've just made all this up just now. But he was there and I was struck by the resemblance so uncanny and I did see it sealed by this tuft on the crown. Even as all this passed in the split trice trance of a fraction of a second he began to pat it down. Smooth it down. Ruffle it down. Adjust his position in the seat the better to use the opposite glass as a mirror. This being the district and creole line and running somewhat late both me and it stopping for about ten minutes of sundry farting about at aldgate triangle where all lines vanish. Not content with just knocking it into shape he went on for what seemed like ages and may of in fact have been ages at this portable coiffure. Almost as though in thinking these thoughts they transferred themselves in the way that watching eyes bore into the back of an unknowing soul until at last he can do nothing but turn and look. Unless that is he is possessed of divine will or is simply possessed. Now all of this I know would be of small import if were not for the fact that just prior to this occurence I had also gazed at the glass opposite me and seen there my fathers face so that it would appear he was sat just two seats down on the same side as me. I gazed and gazed in blank amazement til I realised that it was only a formidably uncanny resemblance. Then just after to see myself almost there. I wonder now if these are judgements. Brought about by guilt at the weird images of dreams that assailed me last night. Whatever.

                So arrived at work finally and was thankful just to sit back grab a coffee and do. Do what. Good god I cannot even remember now. Oh yes I sat for much of the morning waiting for jules to suss something out on the computer. Then added up some cash sheets and went for lunch. During which I finally phoned task force which by now seemed a relatively easy task. Even found out what the number was at work and gave them that. I got it quietly when everyone else was on the phone by casually sidling over to one and examining it in much the same manner as you would an antique in a fair. Then beat it out to the phone to no go no one there least not gillian who I wanted to speak to. Can we take a message. She'll ring you back said a gruff aussie dame who obviously had no conception of what an alarming instrument the phone really is. So then went to the bank and a book shop and then tried again when I finally got through amidst the rattle thump of juggernauts on the street outside and an ambulance siren blaring and the woman in front dropping her change which ran out the gap at the bottom of the box and spread over the sidewalk. A large round dubloon being graciously saved by a black youth to my rear who was profusely thanked by the dame. Though I suppose if I was really paranoid I'd assume he grabbed it to save it from my evil clutches. Now now enough of that. To the task in hand. The job is with an oil company. Boo. But its big bucks. Hurray. They want a soon start. Boo. But they might wait. Hurray. I dont know what I want to do about it. The old money hunter down below has got the scent and is now rampantly on the prowl whereas me I dont know. Lamsac is pretty cool. Local government. Its a breeze. I mean I dont figure I'm exactly busting a gut there yet still get the impression that john at least thinks I'm going far too fast and thus rocking the boat. I guess I want both. Finish this one and grab the other. Oh what the hell we'll see. I've almost written it out. All this hesitant indecision. Though have we reached a conclusion. Yes. Hurray. But only to write some more. Boo. Another of the ones down below always pulling on my coat.

                So finished the afternoon til about quarter to seven with inputting all the march expenses. I thought I was doing the reconciliations but jules seems to be keeping a tight reign on that. Maybe she knows where all the dead men are buried. Left together and walked to vauxhall then split north and south. Passport to pimlico and ramble on down to victoria. Thinking all the while should I have gone the other way round to liverpool street. Was it rude or unkind to depart amidst clouds of guilty waffle about lines and timings. But I figure I need a bit of time to sort out whats what right now. Then if I'm going soon anyway. And I was tired I wanted to read a bit of burroughs but of course I didnt because I kept thinking the whole time should I have gone the long way round which turned out shorter as I arrived down the platform and saw jules already there in the train on the adjacent platform munching a hamburger. Then I got stuck in a carriage with a load of wallies that are rebuilding the station and who spent the whole time arguing about the merits of striking for principle or taking the money and running. Shouts of scab and grumbles about the management and who had a brit rail white card. Something to do with safety I think. And the ones that made the loudest noises about principle then sneaked in on the side. What the hell maybe I've got it all wrong. Its been a long day. Bloody poetry. Maybe I should of gone and seen it after all. Then I'd of had a legit excuse for departing. I've been going to go for the last three weeks but never quite have because I cant decide whether I really want to see it or is it just that mondays a cheap night. Or is just that I read a book of byrons about a hundred years ago. Then theres old mary and perce and the frankincense monster.

                So I came home thinking all the while that I'd buy a bottle or some cans and maybe just you know tie one on and forget all about it. All of it. Live for tonight and to hell with tomorrow. Though even in this old captain booth who also seems to be there stuck down somewhere with the others though perhaps not making quite so much noise he raised the flag and had me trying to renew my weekly tonight as a cash dispensing exercise. Is this what they call disposable income. But it was the old guy on and he's a nice old guy even if does seem to cock things up well he was just shutting up shop though he probably would of given me the ticket but I said no sweat leave it til the morning. Then ran the gauntlet of the three offys betwixt there and here sweating at every one but made it in intact even if I did console myself with the fact that I could always go out later say at nine and then with my old black bag to hide the spoils. So came in and switched the oracle on to watch the tv set ups and there was nothing much thank god as I'm running out of tape and have stacks to see. Watched about five minutes of brokksiders then started to right down the dream I had last night about a cellar full of plants that came alive and later me in the drunken boat with wicked imaginings about a strange girl who then turned out to be uncannily like my sister and oh no no no I think we've been through this scene before. There stood rita looking just like toni perkin. So after that did my invoice to atlantis which is in fact DHM. Then started writing this to keep from going on a bender. Well you know its been over eight weeks now which is longest ever and maybe why I'm in such strange mood these last few daze. Thinking the while of the boozer I decided to compromise and broke out the whole brew which has been lying there since last summer. The head of steam was gone and I needed a new gas tank. Last one which was lucky. Enough to squeeze out a couple of glasses which is all I've had since nine and its now near twelve so have been pumping it out pretty constant. Last time I remember getting fierce head aches though it was also a bit cloudy I think. There was someone at school called cloudy. Wonder whatever happened to him. Anyway the brew this time around is clear as a bell with just a few bits floating near the dregs. And its going down real fine. Though only two glasses. Honest injun. No fagan. Good feeling though from it. Or maybe its just having been hitting these keys. Like playing the drums really. Hear them all the time in morocco. Especially at night. Maybe its because it looks like whisky. The beautiful clear amber neck tie. Put the flush in your thrush. Any way what the hell. I'm only shooting the breeze. Must start on something real soon. No not real. Just something else. This is just exercise. Keeping the wolves at bay. The whole sick crew down below. Benny profane come on down. And dont forget stencils pencil. Even if it is only in the third person. Now a further a glass and perchance a morsal of sustenance. Cheers

 

Tuesday 10 May 1988

 

                Already gone one. So much for the early night. However I have come strangely alive again now after feeling quite shagged when I got home. Well not really. I always liven up in the night. Its the mornings that are hard. Like this morning for instance. I was intending going in early but finally settled for a lounge in the bath after leaving the steam heat on all night to facilitate a fast exit haute moorhen. Not to be though. I did get in the bath fairly prompt and then out again by about just gone eight but then I spent ages sodding about. Reading the mail. Some mail shots from amstrad a dear john from the lit guild threatening me with the leg breakers and a post card from pop. He seems in good form and enjoying his stay over there. Then I spent ages trying to get the phones for the music machine to work. Tried different phones including the large sony ones. They sound fine but I'm a bit self conscious about wearing them. Though it didnt stop me in the days of deepest depression back at texmex. Though maybe thats what caused it. Ho hum. Anyway I finally went back to the button mushrooms which were giving an awful buzz in the left ear. I thought I'd nip out at lunch and get a fresh set. Finally just before leaving I swung the offending phono round conker style and caught it a smart crack on the edge of the wardrobe and hey presto it was cured. Arrived about quarter to ten. Gill rang about a quarter past for a few details to fax to the oil co. Seemed to be okay. They'll ring back later in the week. My initial hesitations and indecisions have now all gone as I have the intuitive feeling that this one will run and run and finally come to nought. Saves all that moral philosophy bullshit though. Spent most of the day buggering about with jules trying to do this bank rec. I think we were using the method of abstraction ie pissing in the wind. Still finally seemed to get somewhere late on this afternoon. I think we may actually apply some methodology tomorrow. Well kidology anyway. Still couple of ologies there so that must make us some kind of scientific research team. Tell me doctor credit do you think the patient will live. Why certainly doctor debit hand me that axe. Which might of come in a might useful at one point for amid a stunningly clear patch of silence this afternoon I heard the low build up of what sounded like a rush of air through the sky. I had the sudden dread certaintity that the bombers were already filling the sky and that no one knew. There was no warning so all just stayed the same. It was a wonderfully clear moment. No panic only curiosity. What would it be like. Would there be any sensation any last minute feelings. But it passed like everything else so I just carried on at random and baled out about six to get stuck in the tube at victoria. Decamped from there and walked the way to cheery cross. Talked with stephen about all this stuff thats been flying around these last few daze plus the green dream. Arrived home at nine and watched benny monolog part four then the sender which was some wild hocus pocus about telepathic nightscares. Finally ghosts and viola lee tzigane and grovelling letters to the litty citty guilder and then a quick spritz through this and now boogie on down the freedom trail.

 

Wednesday 11 May 1988

 

                Have just retrieved my notes from the bin. The basket actually. Wrote on the back of an add list ticker tape this afternoon. Of course having written them down I can remember them and really now have no need of them. Still maybe its symbolic. The throwing the retrieving who knows. Part of the clean sweep tonight. Kick out the jams. All the stuff that accumulates and must be used. Just thrown away a pile of papers from three weeks ago that have been lying on the unfinished coffee table for ages. Everyday I say I'll go though these and cut out all these articles I was going to read but never got round to. Travel pics etc. Now just heaved them all out lock step and boogie. Also just remebered there was one I wouldnt mind reading about cezanne and nola zana. Still cant look through all those for one swell soup. Also ditched a pile of outta times also kept to read various things book reviews again etc. Those gone too. Better ways of doing it. The books anyway. Like do you like it. Even better screw the books. Not watching the wall either as I'd previously thought I would. Well I saw it just post amerika I think and I cant remember a god damn thing about it and I didnt like the album much either so why bother. What for. Better things. Like this? Maybe. At least I want to do it. Well not this exactly but it is practice. For my typing if nothing else. Will start applying this philo to tapes as well. Both the image track and the voice track. Was going to write must for will but will seems more psychologically pleasing. Hill billy anyway. Kicked out the veg from the fridge basement too. No point in cooking meals to extract the last pound of shylock out of doctor john. Drank a toast instead. No I didnt I ate it. What the hell. Just taking it easy. Have been all day despite being busy. Maybe because of. Maybe. Sure nuff makes it easier. Even the notes. Remember them. Get off the beaten track. On to a new pound of pastures of woody green plenty. Went down to the depot and nearly died of garlic fumes. The sick thickly crowd rolling down the platform in search of vampyr klausky. Must of worked cause three doors down at bow road this girl collapsed. Well couldnt see at the time as the district was somewhat packed. The sheep milling round. Intoning the silent litany. What'll we do. What'll we do. So this is what happens when the whole system grinds to a halt. Jesus she only fainted. If someone had caught her nothing would of happened but I guess everyone ducked. I know I would. So this guy shouts at the station gall the gonads but no one did so then with a mad manic gleam in his eying all the clouded transylvania cars I he reached the red stop button. This'll bring them running. He said it with a cry of transport as one who in his youth had pulled it many times and now secretly silently realising his unfed longing now at last could give vent to the urge to pull with mad abandon and complete impunity. Sanctified by complete indifference. Then a man came and opened the windows. The loud speaker said the ambulance was coming to whitechapel and the train moved ripper jack fast for the first time ever. Then slowed once more for the the rest of the journey. The holy slow slog to nowhere particular go. Started getting my assignment together. It seems to work leastways not much spare for intro outro spection cept I heard the bombers again though not so scary. Not scary at all really or even yesterday except as a prelude to hallucinations that never came. Then thought of tee bee as a psychological disease. Thought I'd loose this but found I'd kept it. Spent the afternoon suffocating under the fumes of onion brazils that john smuggled in after his half three lunch. Eaten in grumbled munch from a desk drawer not his own. Wingeing on the whole time to himself. I kept shtoom. Dont want to get dragged into why his work is the hardest in the world. The aches and pains. Then later hes talking to some other says whats knew so says I'll tell you later walls have ears mumbles about the boozer. Fuck you john. Then heard oh henrys off for two weeks now as his ma is close to death. Wont last the night. Jules called into the state room for a conflab. All hands time. Her fella is coming in maybe tomorrow to help. Leastways shes taken the stuff home for some clues. Still means loads a money for me. Mercenary sod. Makes life easier time of crisis. Diminish the hassle. Remember the war. Twenty four hours of windmill. God whats all this about. I'm supposed to be having an early night. Still its only just gone twelve. Unloading my head. All the loose slates. Along with the papers and greens and sound image trax. Yee hah pardner. Watch where ya puttin that shootin arn. Happyness etc. Grab it when you can. It dont stay long. Just falls off the merry widow go round. Once if your lucky. Twice if your not. Ah well what the hell.

 

Thursday 12 May 1988

 

                From the green brook side to the sounds of yazoo basin. Adam who. Should make it easier though. Something different for a change to spare. While a piece of yardbird sizzles neath the grill. Better not forget. Did one time before. A dutch boil in the bag number from alpha. Me in the land of smirnoff. Woke to the sound of wild knocking. Like the blow out on the highway at ninety. Me under the phones wondering whats that strange new beat in the song. Anyway leapt out of the chair and dove down the corridor. Didnt even notice the smoke or the slow burn plastic fumes. Theres the chairman of the board smelt it from the lift as hes heading for seven and ron from across the road. High guys how goes it. Oh shit my supper. Blown to glory. Had to deep six the pan in the skip. Like the fry pan pre amerika when I couldnt get all the shit off it at two in the morning and my flight was at nine and I wasnt even packed. Anyway before shades of a repo performance to the kitchen for a couple a slugs of bacon and some cauli hocks. Thats the green corn and vittles rollin an tumblin. Better beat out the rest of these off beats without much ado.

                Joe slogg and jo strange look in amazement at the skin punk girl in the black satin suit and braces with shaven head and chinee pigtail flying. Joe sniggers and nudges jo. They stare open gawp mouthed. He temporarily disengaged from his sun she from her barbie tailor extravaganza. He in marky nowhere suit with wet crimply hair in short shock style. In appearance not unlike rodders. My god its not him is it. Should of asked he rang later with ms from jay for first shot of synchro. Rang jay while bryan doing intro number to troubled bristows. Some hanging balances. No dead westminster men though. But this is later in the chrono sequence if such is of importance. The city kane trousered lady in appearance like tiger lily haley. Her buddy like high school costello. Looked for the bassman. No sign. Though certainly since I just made that up. At a change of space we all sat down. The haley kid reading some kind of physic text on humble sardonic lotion. Screaming jay would of been love at first sight. The crimply barbie pair depart there possessions in a green plastic butchers bag. Me I just sit there taking notes behind the exterminator with we love you on the sound track. Gathering bits for the image track.

                Ho west. Its one. Though better than lost. Have eaten. Yardbird with chilly corn and bacon strips with red tom and holly stocks somewhat lumpy with mint sauce. An intersetting arrangement colour wise on the plate if not astronomicly. Have changed the sound track to satie with gymnastos and the other like it whose name I forget though its on the box quite near which is yet too far. Like the cash call ad though they got it wrong. Moneys like junk. What fixes on monday wont fix on friday. More and more and less and less. An a vote of thanks to old tiger lee. Hear thumps from the bunker upstairs. Are they echoes of mine on these keys. Must press on.

                The hello line sure moves when it has a mind. A head of steam. Rattley snap. Clicketty click. Not like the district. Holy slow onward slog. Driven by camp firey fin de siecle edwardian jobsworths fondly imagining they haul dandy fops on mahoganey chips to afternoon tea in glorious slow time.

                Synchronicity young joyce in the bookshop tonight. The big gun himself. Me headed for the pyscho section for words on memory whose names I've forgot. Due to advancing minutes on the hour the psyche dept and me failed to metamorphose at the sames coordinates in the space time continuum. Certainly. Certainly what. Certainly I dont know. It was writeen there today by me or someone like him so I repeat the problem. I had so little time but spied a bio of old aloysius read the blurb on the back and opened at random. CJ there in full flight in a letter. How creamy brave ulysses had him baffled for three years. His patients too. But he didnt get where he was today by being baffled. Certainly. Though me I dont know.

                Saw the fabian sock it too me. Whilst walking fast on gilded blisters. Then new scotland yard. One lonely board bobby at his post at the door. Just below the screaming pines of climbing glass.

                Couldnt decide where to eat. Walked up and but everythings changed. The prices too. They sure do fix. So settled on fast food after walked out of king burger too holy slow. The paternal wimpy manager and his assistant looking on glowingly at two of their young stars. Poised to leave while eating on the job. Faint whiff of romance in the air. A little nippon. Knees so lovely. Her beau from some far east brummel. A whole food promo. Its a keep it in the family affair. A lady came in showing long slim leg peeping out of folds of skirt as she worked.

                Japan is overflowing they're exploding out everywhere. Blade runner is full of them on the west coast too. Bull lee also maybe if kiki is one too.

                The bristows a flutter and a twither at bryans arrival. The local admins worst fears. A man who knows what he's doing.

                The blob brothers have now banned smoking in all their kinos and in every part thereof. They're really out to kill this industry. Fire the ball boys.

                Knock out the scaffold of rigid time. Loosen up. But not too much. Worrying about an extra fifteen warhol minutes. Worrying about the seating arrangements in the clouds. Worrying about missed the end of the image track through thinking what Id do to the bad guy. Didnt miss it anyway. He jumped a fallen horse and tailed him to abandoned depot for the shoot out. Cool dude. Mega close at eight. Brandy balls dollar rate must be slipping.

                Did you see. Were you there. Were you the one. A murder in britvic city last night. Hidden in amongst all the shoe bury cancel trains. Forest points frozen in time.

                These words have had their day. All words are redundant. There are simply far too many of them. They reduce and reduce as the only way to ever gain a hold. The hundred best books will soon be the hundred best best hundred books. The books will shorten and shorten and shrink to disappear. In their place the image track of symbol and vision. To say so much more. Whole chapters at a glance. We must prepare. We must rearrange our concept of perception. Trust to the parts we cant reach to keep it sweet. Everything is either a slow dissolve in or a slow fade out. The slow fade in from the womb gives imperceptible way to the slow dissolve to the tomb.

                Face puzzles are hardest. How can you describe. Only compare. Show one face to a thousand different people. Theyll see a thousand different persons. How do you capture that in mere words. A small mouth a round face. What does that mean. Words are not meant for such as this. They are meant for their own subco assoc. Then sit back. Let the magic weave its spell.

                Cornelius aloysius. One stop anonymous.

 

Friday 13 May 1988

 

Friday the thirteenth part company. From green back notes at late saturday nearly sunday. So much easier now. No racking packing brains for vague glimmer of faint detail. Or so it seems. Have stopped being a time slave. Just missed a fast freight. Wait for the holy slow in fifteen warlock minutes instead. No sweat. A quarter turn. A little bit of degree. For the sample harmonic potion. Buzzing clear through my head. From left to right. One of the voices said last night to watch my mental stealth. Captain who though. Theres so many down there from beefheart to faro. May have this one word wrong though. One king clef word but I forget it. Just now that is. Lost in the memories drifts and dreams. What matter while sat at peace here. Cool crystal station on after the rush warm end of the week morn. Pleasant springer some morning. Birds ringing maybe. I dont know. I am hidden behind the phones. I hear right now the african national peoples band of guinea. The 1970 spring offensive on late heels of canny thrown bandit. Croque monsieur. Sure will. Hand me that 45 Dr debit. Peoples tribe of new guinea is really later than previously exposed. Riding the lonesome stage. I do not write. I'm only a relentless devouring machine for sundry peripheral vicarious experience. Anyones but mine. Kept well hid with secret secrets of nothingness. Scribbled in trains on the hop. The nod the wink the nudge wont budge. Leave it there let it lie. Cardboard monument to the dead time slave. Ah some movement a stop and change of position. Jockeying for free seats like non runners in an abandoned three thirty. The stewards awash in drunken pump room. Looking one eyed at re run closed circuit video for any sign of life. The music stops we all set down. Me in the middle. the only one left. Why do I always fear my seat is stained poluted covered with some invisble swampy surface visible to all but me. Then writing this cramped almost unrecognisable between foreign elbows of fellow and fellowess travellers. The slim lollabrigita next along removing at the next stop along. Passing out through smooth closing door. Did she leave half smiling thinking saying knowing you wanted to look all the time. This reading this writing is only a blind. Hurried scrabble on stilted wobbling jar tubes. Only a holy fool drifting down tunnels of abandoned ghost love. No exit way out of here and now mad eternity blazes in hidden haze of blind iron eyes. I've been wearing these clothes for years. Sometimes continuous. Sometimes the same. Now a junction of lines. Change and run. No walk take a little more time and savour the day. Bust out like ratso run tommy free down hawaii beacho. Broke free of the magical mystical ward bond quarter for a quick flutter of cigarette card wilton boulevard. For these picture post memories. Buy coffee with the oldsters in tesco. The sagging round of their twilight years eked out through all this holy slow grind of casual existence. Through the workaday casual abandon of my own. Rolling coasting gangs of figures like patterns for others trips. Perm and con for the gamblers stance. A year long blast of hear it all is. Make what you will. By job is done. Confuse no more I am already more than enough though not as I wanted. Then in synchro at the end. Some time to kill. Half a dollar out. Minutes to go will be maddeningly slow. The schedule out of whack. Like some birds left tit in a steve jerky movie. Couldnt find the difference til late at the end. Minutes to go. Read a manual four for a nine. Unusual. Its usually threes and eights. Sixes and nines. Numbers you know. A life of their own. A world too. Hidden in the pennies. Then home again five through the silent stifling whitehall streets and buck house environs of pale languid men scuttling home to wash pale languid lawns and mow pale languid machines. Past duck like touristos in jimmy boyce park on sandwich bench crust strewn camera hidden parkway walkabout. Past intercontent arts up wide abbotsnow steps through lower piccadily past sad leicester square with out a hotel. Past the ticket tape stall all sold out and watched as phillipino lady bought miserable tickets from dodgy cove. Stood back and wondered should intervene madam theyre not real. But who knows. What you pay is what you get. Then out past drunks and strays through the lane of old musty drear book shoppes. Slipped in the while for memories dreams and reflected flexions. Home on the bus. Watch the world slip silent by. A black man in a brown suit limping near the museum. He lobster bald under a black felt hat. Does he really limp. It looks like a falsy. Why limp. To show superior power over adversity. Though mostly hides lack of. Only real cripples have real power. Doc o'boogies canny fear. Two 22Bs run in tandem through the tunnel of love. Neither will break away. Finally one does. Ours too. A holy slow slog these buzzes. Rather ride the blinds on manchester ship canal. See big joe mayall on his nine string slide. Shyness is often a side effect of heightened awareness. Home here moved out all the things with wires as they reminded me of a scene in blue velvet. The fathers heart attack near the start. The computer fish lights sundry wires and connections. More synchro with the jobs I did to the end of blind willie and peg leg before connecting the pianola. Get in quick before its struck. Made fractured manic steam whistle pump organ chords into out of control phantom fairground ride of singularly foreboding doom. Herbert lom numbers in the ghostly mirror. Apt for this day. Switched on silent running tv for frankie zapp and discoed it was berry john the bolt, Snow joe rang. What was it about the call. That I said you know too often and too reticent on my plans. Filling the tank will conquer the fear of flying or at best baling out on two month bender. But as of now its not yet done. I fear to fill it for fear I'll then move on. But where would I go. What will happen to the fish. They'll be orphans then and I'll be lost on the storm. Looking for mr griff. To write down what it was I wanted to see. The options available. Then the fears of what would be revealed by mentioning them. Synchro dream memory reflection stuck on page 49 highway. Big joe blues and the number I stuck on this afternoon. Now yesterday afternoon. Should I play the guitar. Yes I did. The strings feel friendly. Smooth to the touch. Not abrasive as they sometimes did. I'm not sure I play so seldom now. I feel at peace in situations of crisis not of my own making. Poor howards dead and gone ate up all that good green corn. How bootiful with the papers gone. Thats it thats what I wrote for friday yesterday plus some indulgence I threw in as I went along but I'll leave that to you to work out.

 

Saturday 14 May 1988

 

Synchro how weird. I rose about half one and went through to the kitsch for coff. Looked out the window and there sat in the garden on the bench in the shade with books smokes and coke is the the chinee girl and costello. They must live here I guess. Must find out I guess. But how. All these years here have made me a recluse and whats more I enjoy it. Was high as a kite when I woke and have been most of the day though it is wearing thin now. Must to bed to dream. Its dreams that do it or at least today. Woke at seven my head buzzing and dancing. Unfortunately didnt record them but that not important as the feeling stayed anyway. Will it be back tonight. Caught a winged eel silverling in the bath. Plucked it out clean betwixt thumb and forefinger in one. Get out of the ineluctable modality mode. Though first perhaps find out what it means. Walked out with the image track playing some fine piano by someone called hornsby I think though only one I ever knew was wilf whos dad had a weird general store at the bottom of millom hill. His dad a little hunch back with a strange cleft voice the store so old it was like from another time lit with ghostly bulbs on single strand wires and was the gloomiest place alive at half five on a raw dark winter thursady. Voice track made more interesting by sudden unplanned intrusions of cabs calls ambulance or jack the whatever ripper. Repro two dale sale over the weekend. Repo dudes and reprocopy balances. Able later to remove a sliver of nonstick pan stick from a rasher of unsmoked collar bacon with one finger then deepsix it in a basin of fairground soapy water with out getting my feet wet. Such precision already. Went for smokes and was queue jumped by an irritating little yappy fucker in the gas station. Still whats the point in worrying. The bird in there looks like she just stepped off of  the interplanetary shuttle and is at odds with the technology. So thats it. The slow steam of smouldered conscious. Drifted in drabs to the small green book that lives in my vest pocket. Drifted in drabs back out through the small green interplanetary fingers that live at the end of my arms and catch winged eels and falling stars and other things. Its all just what runs in and out of the screen of vision. The image track crossed with the voice track. The inner silent one thats rages on unawares after all others are gone. Departed for some green and pleasant land that may exist or not. Who knows. Not me I dont think. No thats true I dont. Not really. Just let it all run through like sand in a fountain. Catch a little here a little there and let the rest flow on.

 

Sunday 15 May 1988

 

                So the weekend draws to a close. Calmly and sublimely. The first I can really remember like this for ages. Have taken it most easily and enjoyed every minute of it. Instead of torturing myself with all sorts things that I think I ought to do or think would be useful achievements to relate to other people I've just pleased myself. Got up real late both days and spent a lot of time doing not very much. No impossible goals or anything like that. Applying some do easy to the tasks in hand then finding out what I wanted to do with the rest. In actual fact its probably no different from lots of others. What is different is my perception of it. Have spent most of the day at dreams and reflections which is quite marvellous but I have to stop often to look up the meanings of various words. Mostly medical terms and also look up references to various philosophers mentioned there. In the evening I watched the master builder with leo mckern and miranda richardson. It was very good but seemed to drag towards the end when it became somewhat obvious how it would finish. Now I think I'll get cleared up prepare a couple of things for the morrow and depart to bed.

 

Monday 16 May 1988

 

                Lazy days. Writing that is. This just an addendum from tomorrow. Went to see stephen. Sat in james park for a while before reading dreams. Talked of this as well as much else. Voices changes transference projection new directions from within association. Left quite late half nine. Didnt realise the time had gone so quick. He remarked that one of his bookcases split one time like the knife. Got home half ten. Rang squire asparagas to settle the rates. Sent them a cheque when I got in. Likewise the water closet. Tried to reach voices and fell asleep with the window open. Have a bad back now. Least I hope its my back not my kidneys.

 

Tuesday 17 May 1988

 

                Chic murray in chicago. A way of remembering which works. Chic murray wandering round this morning like a town crier to say the phones off the hook at twelve to fifteen. Thought on the way to work that I dont need to eat so much now its not such a driving necessity. Like there was a time when I'd go all day not eating cause I was too involved in what I was doing. Then only eat as an afterthought. A sandwich as precaution against possible future hunger pains or uncomfortable stomach swells. Then to my twenty first in doo wah diddy walking all the way from battery park to 42nd street for a bowl of clam chowder. Starved quite often over there except around chi where somehow I managed to find plates of hash for washed floors. Must be the stock yards close by. Watched julia waters in benny mog. Rang dad after at toots. They were ben the boozer. Dad in good form. Over for the election. Mitty won chi lost. Graham stateside tamarra. Also after all this talk of food denial had chic livers and hog. Toms and shrooms etc haute abend. Anyway enough of this banter. I'm off for a voiceover.

 

Wednesday 18 May 1988

 

                Its not the ruskies its the ads. Anyway will write this tomorrow from notes at one listening to ten o'clock racing results. Things stick. Did I put the second cig out. What did I say to the bailiffs. What should I of said to them. What did the girl with the push chair say. What did I say. No matter it went down. It all went down. Synchro billy bragg last nite radio today piccadic tube. Old wino in soho square. Like terry from king co. Last seen ringing alison two high on dope at midnight palmerston road. Photo session outside ronnie scots assorted ragamuffin lovelies in curious disguise. Black bird with balloons in leicester square. Yank in Q. Music/video at leics square tube. Went to see hat on a cotten top roof in the evening. Nearly lost my wallet.

 

Thursday 19 May 1988

 

                Just finished the washing up. The old infra skillet is beginning to disintegrate. Its supposed to be non stick and in a way it is since the lining of the pan adheres to the rashers and both just fall away. Mind it wasnt helped I suppose by my steam clean some weeks past which managed to strip a large chunk at one swell whoop. No doubt I'll skip it soon and get another from woolies. Anyway so much for that. Was going to watch this ruskie film about post holocaust but I notice zappa is on the other at one and since I've just seen him briefly guesting in cell block oz and also recently thinking it was he who was really john burn at the last resort I think for the sake of synchro city I should give it a whirl. Leastways I was late for the ham and sick start and what I saw in opening two mins was not too inspirational. All old purply brown dagger o type with strange old prof halfway betwixt renfield kaligari nineteen and krapps last perfo. Still could be wrong. Will have another peep. Well not so sure. This glimpse started ghostly brown then split to shavian looking fisherman picking through drystone rubble. At same time heard memphis minnie sinking some old blues and was immediately going to record it when I realised this is already on tape. Working through a three hour time delay. I'm not a time slave anymore just living through credit. Over my shoulder theyre back in the bunker. Anyway I can watch it while I type through a little known process called spinal osmosis. Thought I heard voices there but it appears to be the adverts. I have the tv on mute which works fine for the film but then they pump it up at the ads for max impact. Then again the films in subtitles. Reminds me of the kettle just before which made the water which made the coffee thats presently going cold. As it rolled over into first there was the sound like voices in the street then a radio then I realised it was just the kettle. Now I realise leadbellys singing the worried blues. What me worry. Wonder if its one of screaming jays lost discs. Whats all this about. Just exercises in memory and the moment. Wheres it going. Nowhere I know. This mans playing some good folk blues tonight. Blues project at present. Folk blues a rare heard term these days. Maybe its coming back. See it immortalised on bringing it all back sleeve. Anyway watched scream times two tonight. Last saw it years ago. Wanted to watch it ever since. Curious to see how it was now. Still as good. Just a little dated in places. Wierd effects though. Alfred marx made up like twenties chaplin heavy. Just turned round to a flashing light. This osmosis thing seems to work. Unless all this vegetating is turning me into a triffid. They changed the end though. Or at least I'm sure this is a diff print. At the end when lee goes into mad vinnies spare part emporium for bad guy commie mephistopholes. Wasnt sure I'd spelt that write so checked with cj and he concurs. Anyway lee comes out after disposing of vinnie in the acid bath after he in turn had done same to mephisto and says funny theres no one there. This time he said its just beginning. Though he might of said that as well last time. This film seems a bit like last battle which I thought it might. But is it really or do I only think it so for imagining it would be. Must pause a while and zap on zap. That done what else. Synchro continues. Or do I only now look obsessively for it. Anyway got another letter from reed. Same as the last two days ago. Not reed where I am now but the other where I was before but never worked. Mad mark two from little ilfo. As opposed to mad mark one from the A&P and murder city britvic. Then completely unsolicited a letter from an eighty year old mrs goldblum trying to interest me in jehos witness. Written by hand on a steno pad. Whilst reading all  the time religion in dreams. Also red one from electro bored which is a cold slice of reality. Will send them a postal order at the weekend. The ruskies are getting excited I can here them bantering in the background. Anyway must close here now and write up yesterday from green sleeves.

 

Friday 20 May 1988

 

                Half two but its friday so its okey donkey. Am experimenting with soft touch on the keyboard in deference to the punters above which may include the chinee pigtail and her mate not costello but more later. Perhaps. If I get time. From the green book as opposed to the green head. Its very peaceful here. Experimenting with lighting. Using this time small poised yellow angle by tv chair. Much more sombre. Off set by soft green glow of screen. Three times equals good show for hope peeping through. Took a look out at the graveyard before. Wonderfully refreshing this time of night. That too bathed in green sometime back by tv camera crew. Two or three days before this present tome began. Twentieth of march. Almost two months now. Then looked down the road. Saw a lone girl ride down the road on a bike. Long flowing hair like the one on the tube who wriggled her bum almost into my lap to read the mirror. Well almost. A little poetic licence here as you no doubt have guessed. Am smoking a last cigarette. Well almost. Theres still a pinch left which could be pressed into a prison thin stoagie. Stopped just now at line thirty six of page thirty six. Is this an omen. And if so. Of what. Will be good to give up though. This time around which may even be the thirty sixth time. Who knows. Sure is a lot though. Since jan one eighty one. But positively years if at all since done only for effect. The buzz of spinning head. Much more than the mini dope trance produced by the first half of the first of the day and then only occasionly these days. Now its purely for the effect. Not as a compensatory measure to overcome sourceless remorse. Made from a plateau too. A ledge of consolidation. Not part of the mad scramble back up the up slope. Its finished now. The ash is gone. The dust in the tin I will scatter. With it the morbid thoughts of the crab which sometimes assaults me. The pains in my legs I take as a possible indication. Though no doubt this only the return of feeling nerves occasioned by this now sustained eschewing of the bottle. Nine weeks or is it ten. That in itself a good sign. Only odd pints. Social ones at that. Diplomatic manouvres. And one bottle. Slowly over four days then only halfway real as halfway salve for aching tooty pegs. And aching legs only too much walking. Victoria to totty court. Victoria to the south bank. The north bank to aldwych. Up and down the high street. Startford to here. So much I have hardly any working shoes left. Must invest in some what the doc ordered. Its ridiculous paying thirty six quid a pair to see them pounded to pulp in three months. Cant decide between rubber or leather for the souls. Leather is obviously first in line but maybe rubber might last more. Anyway enough of that. Try a quick splint through the ragged lines put down through the day at random. Actually all from earlier this evening through various films etc. Zappa from a tape last night. Then cats grin split by a review prog on wim wanders in nairn and lenny the sea. Finally debussy short and start of sebastian then the blooming milk train. Mixed switch of tennessee swinging sixties and dicken liz.

                Sticking point. The door. The people. Me. What could of happened or not. What I wanted. Paxtons was a halfway house to becoming a recluse. I pray the phone wont ring. Some pray it will. Answered a wrong number. Cat grin. Bat ship potentate. Bamber wenders lee go. Lenny co uncannily like regan. Should he exorcise this ghost. Bozo. My minds not working or concentrating too much. Just failed to properly connect bouche and tasse. Lefty and the shah. Dont worry over lines its just pennies from ezra. Angela delamorte.

                Should I decipher this last para. It is after all just short hand morse. Bits and pieces really. For instance the potentate was written before the milk train ran. In it mrs goforths magor domo was a north african dressed like an emir. The door was just an example of my paranoia which never quite subsides. Walked down the road tonight and spotted the chinee girl this time all in raggedy black with a pair of handcuffs hanging out her back pocket. Accompanied this time by a girl I recognised from the drying green. That word again. And I dont plan any of this. They came out the post offive and went into the offy a couple of doors down. The one where the owner regaled me with the tale of the bounced check after christmas and I had to feign interest to disguise the fact I was buying a brace of teachers at ten in the forenoon and also paying by cheque. So I over took and wound up back here hoping to collide perhaps in the foyer. Then on approaching the wall saw someone by the door going in. I thought maybe it was rons son who is always so cheerful it makes me feel woefully inadequate in the realm of normal social intercourse. Then looking down the drive I saw a woman enter the drive eating a takeaway. I wondered was this his wife. Would I be sandwiched in between. I ducked across the wall and saw he'd disappeared. Then I was faced with the age old problem of should I hold the door. This is complex enough at the best of times but doubly so here with all the talk of security and my anxiety to keep my end up and not appear ill mannered. The ill constructed scaffold of social procedure of course. Ducked in quick and the lift was at zero so it wasnt rons son and the dame with the grub was ten yards behind and would no doubt have viewed old bums rough here with somewhat suspicion at loitering in the entry. though how to explain all this foregoing. Especially when I cannot even understand it myself. And the bottom line. I missed the chinee girl. Of course. Needed to throw a seven and there it was lying face down on double zero. Anything else to amplify there. Hold on I'll need to scroll back up the page and have a look. Double shift did it but no. There was nothing.

                Just rolled and am smoking this last roll while making space on the disc for this latest magnus opus.

 

Saturday 21 May 1988

 

                Thats one day done. Not really that hard. Even makes my legs feel somewhat better. Woke about half eleven after hitting the hay at five so that wasnt bad. Was going through the mail nothing interesting when the bell went. A black preacher man and his little son trying to flog me watchtower. I told the kid I was really too busy but he just went straight into the pitch. Maybe hes only just learning and isnt able to vary it. Eventually I closed the door on them. Well son some folks is like that said dad to son. Well I ask you. Theres me at the door at nearly midday in my pink pj's with no buttons fearing theres been an accident or something then stuck trying to be polite whilst coiled round the door and clutching masses of unbuttoned flannel in an attempt to protect my noodles. And all this kid cares for is the spritz. Then five minutes later the buzzer went. It was the bell before. Each a rare occurence here in the bunker. Expecting another attack I answered it somewhat gingerly only to found it was snow joe. He'd just deposited laney in the beauty parlour and had called round to see if I was still in the land of the living. Talked about going into the property biz. His only prob is finance. Mine what the fuck do you do to a property once you found it. Wagstaffs wedding is looming onto the horizon and he is going down for a rehearsal this monday. Will ring on tuesday to see how it went. Went to see testimony about shostakovich this evening. The music was dead brill but the film was a bit of a lash up in places. Well no thats not quite right either. It lacked the budget for its ambitions and sometimes you could see the joins. Still its still streets ahead of most of the crap thats around at the present. Fell in love on the way home with a tall dame in a yellow jacket and a black skirt. Just as well it was a black skirt and not a black shirt. Which reminds me there were  lots of shots of concentration camp victims at the end of this film tonight. Which reminds me this dame didnt have any kind of a shirt on. I dont know if she was going to wait for the overhead but there was a freight train stuck in the passenger road for an age tonight and she snuck on outta the depot. Well not even alone at that. So I guess I aint got much more'n a ghost of a chance when it comes right down to it. What the hell. This reclusive life suits me just fine.

 

Sunday 22 May 1988

 

                Double double slugs here. This being written on wednesday. Still now I'm here doesnt seem such a hassle to get it together. Just boogie on through the last four days. Much as I did myself. Drinking some miller lite with this and also accompanied by allmans tape which was recorded on this very night. Four days ago that is. No thats not right. Three days ago in length. Its four in events. First being zero in terms of a numerical sequence. Which was sunday maybe. Though could equally be said of the others too. And equally not as well of course. I dont know what happened here. I think I poisoned myself. Accidentally of course. Well as far as I personally am aware. The subco might have other ideas. Maybe it objects to me tampering in its domain. Anyway rose about four in the afternoon. Had been awake since two reading dreams and this all seemed okay as I didnt go to bed til six in the morning. So got up slung out the siegfried line and made some breako out of two plaice fillets that had obviously been in the cooler too long. Though this wasnt obvious immediately. Later on a made a huge meal of stew which I guess I should of cut in half but its so hard to cut up raw meat with out a cleaver and with one I'd be haunted by the ghost of jack torrance so did it all and loads of veg which I ate whilst watching what the butler saw. I didnt really follow that too well. I thought it was bit too over the top but maybe it was me starting to sicken. Pop rang in the middle and when I said I was watching it which was all I could think of to say when he asked what I was up to pop said to go ahead and watch it and he'd give me a ring through the week. Well after that there was this prog about sculptors. This geezer using his body as a mould to make shapes in slices of homepride and what not. I should of been shining my shoes then and pressing some shirts but I ended up farting about and not doing any of it. Then I couldnt work out whether to watch diva or not. I did in the end though I think the only bit that really hooked me was the bit I missed when I went out to the john and for some grub. The phone just rang. Thats in real time not sundae. Rang off before I could get there. I'm kinda stuck wondering who it might of been. Still it was a real attempt to get there. Only I had to grab my beer and smokes then try and find the remote to turn down the allmans which are nothing special and I had to negotiate the ironing board which is still out since sunday night. I did get that far but after diva I just felt too knackered to contemplate anything. Writing or anything else so I thought I'd leave it all to the morning and get up early and do it all then. Have just started the second can. Real time again. I could maybe weave in a bog of the lottles here. We'll see. So that was sunday really. Kinda just fizzled out at the end for no good reason. Mind watching the film. Maybe that was where the geisha came from. And I suppose I did understand it better this time around though I'd still be stuck if anyone asked me to describe it. Probably cause all the while I'm in the bottom line of everything. Then again I'd decided to watch it beforehand and pressed on even when I thought I'd be better off baling out. The ironing board is kind of significant in a way here as it was lack of clothes that finally drove me into paracetamol cocktails in jan eighty seven. Also the empty fish tank in jan eighty eight. Though that wasnt cocktails or at least didnt get that far as forty five bottles preceded at which point I was rescued. Anyway enough of that.

 

Monday 23 May 1988

 

                On to monday. Woke late. Ten to nine. Felt pretty shitty smitty. Decided to have a bath first and go in later. Whilst lying ruminating in the bath I thought maybe I'd be better off taking off the day. Could always make it up with eight o'clock starts through to friday. Then started thinking about a bottle of teachers. The symphony to accompany some writing. But I suddenly realised that it would only be two complementary compensations and I'd be stuck in the middle thinking what the fuck is this all about then. So came out the bath and lay on the sofa for a while after ringing in to jules. Then played the old johanna for a while and went back to bed about twelve. Lay there drifting into strange thoughts where it seemed that all the time I was awake but the thoughts were not the usual ones. They were totally free. They didnt have any chains dagging them down. They were just things to consider. I wish I could remember them but they vanish just like paper on a windy midnight street. Then woke up at quarter past one promptly fell asleep and dreamt til quarter two when I woke again and wrote it down. Like all the recent dreams it seems to be of a different quality. Much deeper and multilayered though paradoxically far harder to recall afterwards. Its the feeling that accompanies them that is the hard part. Back to real time. Tom rob has just come on. Opener sounds much better than allmans. Sounds promising. Whatever happened to sounds I wonder. Maybe its still going. I'm so out of touch with these things. Though could of bought one this morning. Real time again. Well not that but could of looked for something similar and might of seen it there. As it was bought nothing and took it easy on the the various over and under heads. Anyway thats wednesday so more of that later. If I make it that far. Last time I tried a shot like this was back in eighty three I think when I had five pages of an A4 desk diary to complete. They were the last pages I did in that session. Dont even know if I ever read them again. Likewise will I this. So I woke then read dreams through the afternoon til five when I got up to post my timesheet for last week. Came home and watched the wicker man. Another from the past I last saw years ago. It was still good second time around but knowing the ending kinda takes the sting out of the tail. All these sexually liberated women in it were too much for me though. Started wishing I'd written some letters but ah too late now so once more thought about a bottle to wash it all away. This time there was no holding back I was up and out. Though even when I think about it now I had been full of self congrats in the afternoon over having beaten the urge of the morning. Still maybe its just that I'm a lousy invalid and cant stick being ill so that if I can get nothing else out of it at least I can get drunk. Mind I'm quite pleased about these preceding days from the point of view that it doesnt bother me. Any of it. What the hell. So I boogied on down to the katherine street offy as theyre quite laid back there. None of this havent seen you for a while blah blah blah. Got my bottle and back home did the washing up ironed a couple of shirts theres still three to go after playing the guitar for a while. Saw flexs oldest boy down there. the one that escorted me home the other night. Which reminds me flex ran on sunday and I'm supposed to be having a couple of bevys with him this week. Maybe it was he who called earlier. Anyway back to the bottle in this time though the can in real time. Was keeping a log at the start. Well it lasted til twenty to ten. Then did some bacon and kidneys for supper. Then tried to ring little tea. Rang a couple or three times. With no reply forthcoming each successive ring became shorter as reality overtook wishful thinking. Then blow me a call back. So I picked up the phone and didnt say anything and sure enough nothing came back in reply. Then I did a couple of short stop morse numbers. Maybe it was three. These are just calls cut dead as soon as you hear you are through. Then another call back. This time I answered. Nothing special. A couple of exploratory hellos into the empty evening air and nothing back of course. That was it. Though I wonder now was that another the one about an hour ago. Anyway on to tomorrow.

 

Tuesday 24 May 1988

 

                Tuesday. Thats yesterday now. Still seems a long way away. Got up for work. Into the bath. Decided not to go. Dont know what it is with all these baths. The desire to wash away my sins perhaps. Maybe some self baptism. Anyway whilst ruminating there decided not to go in. I was kinda of conscious that this was how the britvic episode started. However much more than this was the fact that I'm not a time or wage slave anymore so what the hell. Take the day off I'm not up to going in so why bother. It'll all still be there in the morning. Which sure enough it was this morning. Then I thought about the phonecalls and where once I would of been aghast now I thought it was hilarious. Tee bee who always liked to give the impression of being so couldnt care less is just as obsessed as me and just as loony. Though on that score I think my credentials are in far greater order than hers. So no problems about the phone calls. No worries about the work. No fretting about cash in and cash out. I went back to bed after wondering should I ring steve to say I wouldnt be there only I couldnt decide whether to go or not. So shelved the decision read some more of dreams and fell asleep about twelve. No thats not right. I was trying to drift into some kind of archetypal fantasies but nothing remains of those. There were some images coming through but of course they dont last. Wish I could put a video in my head. Still it'll come one day. Woke and finished dreams. The last parts are quite far out. I'm not sure if I understood them. In fact I know I didnt but they still hit a deeper level below the threshold of consciousness which caused some movement down there which was felt though couldnt be explained. Anyway I finished that at half three and was at something of a loose end. There was a glass still not empty through here so I finished that up then decided to finish the bottle. Not quite sure why apart from the obvious. Whilst doing this I prepared a meal of par boiled fried potatoes cabbage and a steak pie. Then into the bath yet again. To prepare for the journey to greenwich. I'd through these glasses decided to go and fortified by this water of life discuss women and sex which sober I am completely unable to do. Well on any meaningful level. Unfortunately I overdid the dutch courage and discovered I was so pissed that bed was called for. I hit the sack at six and woke at eleven. Then lay in various states of consciousness and semi consciousness til I fell asleep and then finally awoke on wednesday which is today. Yippee. I caught up at last.

 

Wednesday 25 May 1988

 

                So here we are back in real time at last. Just checked last weeks time out in case I'm missing something on the box. More tape to collect to worry and fret about and have to make time to watch. Ho ho. Though in this case its sympathy for the devil which somehow seems apt and I will tape it as I've been slaving over these hot keys since I came in and need a break. Also have made space through listening to desultory allman robinson stuff from the other night. Though theres still forty five minutes to go before the start so maybe I'll have this all rapt up by then. This talk of tapes reminds me I still have swimming to cambodia there and I saw a book by the guy tonight which might be worth a whirl after the film. Looked for literary dreams but couldnt see it. Dont know where I did now. East ham smiths I think. Will take a look at the weekend. Anyway bought some more jung. Edited highlights on fontana. Made a brief start on the bus in between being infatuated with the legs of the dame sat opposite. _ack to real time heres memphis minnie mouse sailing on. Think I'll endeavour to tape it. Taping in progress. Must watch out for the end. Also remember to get more tapes and discs for all this stuff tomorrow. So what of today. Woke about eight finally after a few false starts. Then guess what. Another bath. Went in without music or anything to read. Quite a good idea as I wasnt up to it. Everything cool at work. Jules has done some rearranging. We swapped desks. I couldnt get comfortable though. The seats too high or maybe my legs are too low. Still compensations are that it looks out onto the little park which is great for just gazing out at. Did some banking biz. Reed to danor today and danor to me tomorrow but still done today by capricious use of banking hours. We are having more moves tomorrow. The new kit is coming and as long john and oh henry are away its a good chance to strike while the irons hot. Jules also said she has to make a decison about going permanent on tuesday which I think she probably will. In real time woody and leadbelly are on. Wonder should I tape this. Yes I will. Some folks say the worried blues aint bad. Mustna been the worried blues I had. Anyway jules asking me again about el permanente and my god heres the blues project which I must tape as its got bob landy on piano. So I said I wasnt sure of my plans and trotted out the old chestnut about a guest house in wales to which she said youre not dropping out are you. Maybe she thinks I'm a hippy. I guess I look kinda weird. Still this will change tomorrow when I break out the new markie sparky brown chords to takeover from these black ones which are nearly fallen through. Would of worn them today but I wasnt up to any kind of elaborate change. Great feeling of deja vu over this last sentence but maybe its just that I've already probably rehearsed it somewhere. Must look out the two pair of jeans I have that dont fit that I bought in the army navy down here when I was pounced upon from left and right by assistants when I had the shaky tremens sometime back in january. I dove into the cubicle and raised the white flag. Okay I'll take them. One pair from each the boy and the girl. You'll all get your commision. Just let me outta here. Actually thats not really true I just made it up. I bought two pair because I couldnt make a decision and was hung up on admiring myself in the mirror. Anyway what the hell I make everything up as I go along. The rules of existentialism. Anyway its near quarter to twelve so I must go let the devil in. So I dont know what to do about lamsac. I havent gone yet. Later I rang snow joe and talked about going into the restoration biz. Will see him friday night and talk more then. Occured to me after that I was less than courteous to laney when I rang as I can never remember the number and was doing it off the cuff and I'd already had two false starts and you know me. Phones. The bane of my life. And I lied again. It was only one false start but it felt like two. So thats about it. Now for another can maybe some grub and then jesus. The devil. Mearly missed it. But got it. Read the review while I was waiting. Eve democracy says when sex becomes problematic totalitarianism walks in the door. Oh yeah. Anyway thats about it. Everything back to normal. Snafu.

 

Thursday 26 May 1988

 

                Will do this from the green back notes Straight in From memory The subject of most of this exercise The stray thoughts So good when you think them Never the same after Hoping maybe you can read them as fresh again after a while Or others would too perhaps Anyway What the hell Flex just called It was him last night too Hes coming over saturday To discuss zambesi easy Myself as director Fred keeping the strings tight The double edge knife though Blame it all on him Anway What the hell Ate a good meal First since tuesday afternoon Beans with sharwoods chilli Burgers and bacon with mushrooms and corn sauce on a couple of wholemeal heels The burning bakos contrasting with the soft spiky corn Whatever happened to bako builder Made roman villas out of the green bases With red and white bricks on steel pins Topped with a mini cupola In the sun lounge at abbotsnow Which reminds me chic murray is from gala Must find out his name Saw the china gal and her buddy ahead down the road tonight Whos spooking who Following from in front If theyre as paranoid as me its easy What the hell Will soon finish this fourth can Must watch out on top of three cream cakes this aftie Bryans birthday Nobody wanted to eat the extra Watch the figure Watch the wait Never mind old speedys But no sweat The constellation of a horse still hangs in there Ah what the hell I'm away to bed

 

Friday 27 May 1988

 

                Double bubble again At eleven fifteen on monday morn Catching up Pissing with rain outside Myself bug as a snug on the inside But thats for later Back to today Today then Not today now Today is never the same Like a fag end in the gutter it always looks different depending how far down the road you are So friday what of friday Can I remember that far back Why didnt I write something then Was there nothing to say then But somehow something now Something that has materialised in the interval The genie that has snuck out the bottle Licking his lips with a smack of disapproval Peppering a few odd words here and there that I will make haste to copy down Lest they be lost forever So this day then was like all such of its kind The end of the week with the soft narcotic joys of metropolitan weekends spreading their low grade thunder through the morn To which end I rose at a leisure suited place after having a guess what other bath which same I also did yesterday as I think also every day since So arrived at battlestar galactica at halbe elf A good time it seemed to be at the time Decided to reset the controls for the heart of the sun As now with seven year old peals and horns blasting out on warp nine through the phonos Slowing my progress Ploughing my furlows Plugging my florid brow Achieved this aforementioned reorientation by halbe zwie Myself and jules Bryan and mary in the second row Mad jack hooking to oblivion round the corner The bristling bristows Oh henry wont be pleased These temps Bloody interlopers Celia goose stepping down the hall Clipboard in hand Scanning the small print Brain on fire No one told me Her whole life made useless by this flagrant disregard for regulations Mad jack doing his darth vader number on the springboard Grovelling to wan kanobi The old man shall be informed Forthwith poste haste and in triplicate So the afternoon proceeded The usual lazy good humoured surreal mix of intertwined planes Coffee and cigars Trips to strutton ground Then at the end of the day discovered that rodders is charging ten seventy five and I only get six Yukko Taken with good humour and a sense of fatalistic resignation at the time This news has grown like a slow burn fuse through the weekend The long weekend I might add The last for a while Except for diy varieties But back then who cares Its near time to go Pack the sack and hit the road joe Time to go jack Just a slow leisured foray through underground canals Brings me here at eight To a simple workmans fare of a safety pie and red roots yellow roots Which successfully scoffed by nine for arrival of snow joe Sneaking out on a weekender From laneys pick a bale of cotton ethic Decided the restoration biz isnt all its cracked up to be My illusory optimism tempered by snow joes empirical pessimism Will have to shelve that for a while Though snow will find auctions so speed better find cash plans Played chess later Won on points Played on three times I won first Snow joe last Drank a few beers Talked about wagstaffs nuptials Young girls going swimming Breaking out the rut Miller high lights Me four he two Actually two in tandem Me two before Making of course Altogether Four Called it a day about one Flipped the channels a few times Saw some of cul de sac Missed nothing Taped the tenant Hit the hay

 

Saturday 28 May 1988

 

                Rudeboy awoke from slumber Half ten Jay on the blower Looking for danny donut Things in the air Some work Hows the man fixed Why doesnt he get an ansa phono The man running through from the other room Shirt tails flapping Blind Thinking maybe Possibly But surely not It couldnt be Sure enough Its not Excuse me A moment Make himself decorous Even in the stencil mould Find some glasses Back to the launch pad taking down the details Trying to take it in Feed it into the ten seventy five equation Think on his feet While sat on his arse Bleary eyed Too early in the morning Feeds jays insecurity by asking again for number What you dont have it from last time But acquits himself well with regards to the fam and see ya on tuesday So what now More to decide on His views on rodders oscillate between a spiky complacent shrug and stomping down there and machining the bastard Whatever he decides He decides will not occur til tuesday He decides So let the the various lentils ferment through the holyday  See what comes then This all takes time Nearly midday now Sat that is Gone now This day Two days hence But back two days Checked the state of the victuals Noticed the icehouse was primed for debunking Set to on same Took a bag of empties down to the skip On return journey passed a seventh heaven woman At the gates to the tower She coming out Bent over a a plastic basket He going in His plastic deep sixed Words of greeting Monosyllabic As befits the unseeing surprise that lurks behind closed doors Back in the bunker Oversee the ice floes Watch from the window A slim shift house coat Seems all she wears That and a ciggy droop Booth says capt booze He should know Ex aluminus of djinny with the light green hair Sally with the army there Whatever danny stands entranced Enraptured by his anima come to life His imagined soul mate Down there drying on the green He up here sneakily switching back and forth Past no net curtains for quick furtive gulps of the view Passing some fair time as all four sides of the cross are filled Once leaping back when he thought She turns She looks But no Nothing Then one last time he looked and there she was Gone All quiet on the freezer front Bale on out Down the road On iron horse overhead Ask blind willie which way she went Just tell him which road shes on If danny can remember such From the addled honeycomb Of his crunchie brain Which even now requires switching From coffee to beer To kool this no smoko highness Listen to kooper stills bloomfield holy modal maybe Blow out this motley collection of singles Taped when taped he doesnt know Only that like krapp He taped them How does he know that He guesses Thats all Theres free beer in the hall Be back in the minute Well probably five But I'm here Listening to davy sylvia and riko sagamoochie Merry pillar mister lorry From long ago The thin white duke Vanishes in a sandstorm like snow in a plastic bubble But enough Here sits donut hard at work on his last will and testicle Throwing his mind back forty eight hours Drinking beer Enjoying the vicarious joys of a spurious highness Ever alert for sneaky lows Wondering what to play next Son house or chicago funster bloomfield Fresh out the shopping mall with a shop warm ullysses Which is where danny goes next Not quite white plains Though victoria is like Which he visted some weeks back But today Which as we all know is really saturday He visits Breakspear country Willie bean and willie gone Into wilko dixons Gimme a pack of razorbacks my good man No not the plain white Singles gimme singles No do have He asks how much the pack He already knows from identikit conflab victoria yesterday while strutting round banking biz These singles are crap Will fast flip through them Much like mouthy coon in dickos Doesnt know price so tills it up Then tries to get donut to buy Silly pratt probably thought he was dealing with me I would of done Donut is made of sterner stuff Leastways donut can get through a pack of singles in half the time of me These sinlges are sickly sentimental crud Mostly ozzie syntho didgerydoo bands So this coon goes into the spritz Well its ten mate innit In best well brian voice No danny says its five look on the packet Wonder how he gets on with a packet of three Oh yeah well mate two pound each You cant lose Even danny is getting exasperated with this yoyo Three dumbo Five threes are fifteen Where do they get them Cant read Cant count Dosesnt know what anything costs A one way machine straight to the heart In this case the cash counting apparatus So danny says no its too many Last him forever So the doughnut says Well there you go Thats right says danny and walks out Leaves the bozo prattling to himself No doubt trying to sell himself on the idea Danny unperturbed gets his bags of grocers and a book of philo facts that turns out later is written by When read last night for flip through intro Prof with psycho bent Synchro rules okay dokey But back to home with no discs and many words Searching for an outlet However vain However unapt Unwrapped Unsuitable Pressed to service Made to act on all the levels at all the times Like just now finally heard a decent single Being single is to put yourself in the most maligned minority No pressure groups But we stand alone and simply by being alone Are infintely stronger than all the gay queen queer lesbo black one legged battered husband deep fried wife alky junky glue sniffing prison breaking gang slayed punk spot rim shot whorled and rhymed No one listens only ourselves We all together The capstans down below Straining on bent anchors Running barefoot through the sodomous monotony of existence But enough I digress Back to danny Chocolate flavour of the month From all the midwest highways Traversed in his alter ego daze of mid seventy one Worked for state minimum then No questions asked No worry Who would Serving beer in a strip joint Pretending to be chas adams No not true Came later Certainly later in this present narrative Monday Today It is three o'clock Outside it is raining It really is monday It really is pissing down out there Bang goes my siegfried line Bang goes veiled meetings with the seventh seal Instead we have alberts shuffle Innaresting Maybe the strut of a third tier Kapitans log style Could be blended in there So whatever Danny arrived home realised he had to hit the road again Murderous slog down east bengal high ham street Listening to lemmy caution filtered through glastonbury fayre To curry favour in the primal temple of this machines awakening Civilty and sanity The missing discs supplied Slipped sly back into the mainstream In singles Then back up with overflowing safety shots Late to hear overdue phono Homing in Flex radioing in from planet earth Will rendezvous in trente minuits Oui ca va roger Eh bien jean John the revelator Wrote the book of the seventh seal So says mississippi sun Godfather of house music Taken over this deck of the woods From blue coopers Roll along down empire state express In company of blind owl wilson Not to be confused with mad pat Bloated white lover of mad fred I always mistake for screaming jay Now after a break Some old favourites Jackie cassady and the tuna fish sarnie Fresh flown from brazil nut limits Should I break silence Hit the esso No damn it I'd rather break the jaw of the texaco But needing a burst of nico White heat smoke on lightning The subco now variously engaged in desperate ballet with danny dont know The original scattergun whodunnit Sitting at home Eating ten day old chinese pineapple whole meat roles Waiting for visitors from flambouyant earth Bringing three speed walters quiz slow burning potato You say french fry I say giimme a doughy nut on rye Coming up Mixed with hi balls loud calls net balls Porto bello stalls Theres a man stood in front of me Danny cant see him either He lets neither of us pass Over lonesome threshold Of empty evening outta work saturday night So flex arrives Handshakes Beers Looking at the graveyard Through forty five german green field glasses Talk of zambesi easy fast freight Forward to your destination Even before you ever thought it Like now its bright clear dry again Should I hang the wash No way Throw it out the window Same result Third tuber going down Warthogs back Sliced sliver of beard Stick on variety For vatman screws robbing So we discuss compo busy Music makes its own mark Driving down the highway Boxes in lusaka Then over hear Attempts at winos join the philo school Nae bother jimmy Who could I say or second guess Even danny tempo non plussed But willing an eager For a slipping uganda shilling Shallying around libya airport comfort stations Looking for a streak of silver Yukon bright In steel highway razor backed Sable collared Unsmoked Night Leadbelly Blackpool hall marc number With all those amaranthine flowers Floating in his and josh whites black yard Hear it all the time So thinking Danny anyway Lets all boogie down the afrika centre See if the boxes strike Like make a match For lonesome smoky cigs From parch mount dry green Then pauline Texmex ansa to denis hoppa Harry dean in drag Walking outta south surrey chalk pit log garden Counting bottles Jointing cables To outta date freighters Zambesi poised in sleek wings To leap for the kill Grab it all me I just slither away Midnight teevee station to station Danny bowling down the green road The shadow Chasing the fox Surreptitiously See the gamekeeper home In one piece Against old drunken bum farts of twenty five rolling out of one in the morning late closing rising sun See two men talking Fucking queers Stroppy little cunts Thick as shit Their only mode of communication Through pansied little boy fist Which mine would crush Like a broken winged flutterby The world doesnt belong to them It belongs to me Well me and danny

 

Sunday 29 May 1988

 

                So now comes sunday Still twenty four ours ago Mine and dans Very desperate So what happened yesterday Who knows Each of us knows the half No one knows the whole Woke at ten Read some more of cj Watched this large buxom blonde tend flowers in the grave Through precipitate rain storms Snipping shears at triffid grab plants Listen now in the future To long flowing soft going rain The mingling of overhead underground concho mix Heard from a bluesy horn on sea bed shoals Where we never lay Not for long Not for ever But wish too Through viscious pleasure drome Then into mad mystic hammers of draggy old sun day aftie Exercises of the barberella kind Then smoked a makeshift joint of old shredded herbs Five years old at least Oregano and basil fawlty and more Smelt right tasted wrong Then into the bath Ho ho John the revelator sliding his delta strings With pakistan soul music Real home of egyptian albert Back out to lloyd george Still in master class relax Think of flowers willie never saw on fifth floor Then through impotence of being ernest To hancock buddy killing a razor back Too huge for punko abbatoir freaks The lure of the shambles Leads all on Then some more reasons to read Then playing the pipe organ Ghosty black and white number against stained glass silver screen Watch all night buzzes on lonesome journey home Hit the hay at five in the morning not knowing what to do Danny looking for voices Me in a somewhat bemused state Arkansas perhaps Son of wallaces wheelchair spirit Then crash

 

Monday 30 May 1988

 

                To halbe elf again Out and up Some toast coffee Then to hear Six hours ago Thumping and pumping To no direct avail Thinking about the rain Worrying about going the iron bored way Again and again Walk naked through shuffle town highway Then to here Six o'clock end of the day Righted it all Ho ho Wrote all day When I thought it was only gas Fill some time before lunch Danny jumped in Said gimme my share Me I'm too easy zambesi going Yeah Why not If thats what ya want I'm here The patient scribe Always scribbling Like an old peon in cuernacuevaca high street Listening to the rain Back on again Worried about a bag full of wash Drowning in a five gallon mastic drum in the bath So what what should I he we do Take it easy thats the answer But take it Like little whatsit from betzdorf Danny took round the town one night Getting drunker and drunker They both Til back at the bunker What to do Apart from the obvious Paranoia slipping up Unawares Made it all seem too hard Assorted sleazos gathered over his shoulder All of them Knew what to do So there it is What more can we say

 

Tuesday 31 May 1988

 

                Once more time travelling Writing this two days in the future At ten in the evening Gave up smoking today Again That is two days hence This day That is two days past or today for clarity I did not But write of the day after having stopped Nonetheless Which gives me a wild high veneer to look through the insulated aspect of hindsight As some pompous old bore described it once It was strange at work this day Came in fresh from the vacation trail Brooked with leave and pressed in the book street Expected only myself and dagwood and blondie Instead my first sight Johns sour glaring face Sat like a great beached whale Never got a chance to brooch ripoff rates til half one Got copy of invoice Rang roddders Nothing but unending stream of bullshit from the boy Forty thousand headmen on the trail Bishopsgate awash with temps Rodders and bina at the window throwing down baskets of largesse Dont forget to tell your friends In only a thousand years we'll mail you a free luncheon voucher The rates are written on stone tablets Handed down to reedy md From free floating basket Always out of the grasp of miserboy rodders Down in the basement Drooling over old timesheets The hebe calls leadbelly hoodie But leadbelly calls himself huddie Just heard it on the radio So back to tuesday Screwed another smackeroo out of rodders Big deal Thats what they should of been paying from day one Plus employers bunce too What to do Play it cool I suppose But not too so Or tucson Was hoping jules would jump in with some kinda counter offer Freeze out the agency Easier they suggest on their side Than me on mine But somewhat undignified Having to duck round phonos at work as well as at home So maybe just leave it for now As I say was hoping maybe for some kinda counter bit But I guess this wasnt the day Paul brought the new kit down I left about seven He and jules still getting it together there Wednesday it didnt work Thursday paul back Still dont know if it works So will have to wait and see monday about what goes on Since the new kit is not coming up to scratch I think jules has gone cold turkey on el permanente Or maybe its just big buckeroos from the training courses Dont know how that works out Tips swing it some way Anyway will see Came home pretty much straight away Had some small supper Steak and spuds Rang snow joe while the potatoes boiled Then watched tumbledown Title was kinda eponymous Almost as baffling as sinking defective Which tried last night Which is here tomorrow night But only stuck a halbe stunder No more repeats That was tuesday Though I guess theres a few repeats of that yet

 

Wednesday 1 June 1988

 

                Kinda heavy this day The new kit went down In a cloud of blue air waves from jules Much talking with mission control Wonder if its bilkos colonel Like in mad mad mad mad world Left about six Well kerried Home to sack out on the sofa for an hour Then a pork shoulder chop on toast Then tried the singing bobby second time around But never got into it So said Bollocks Enough of this danny boy A way to bed Read cj for a couple of hours Hit the frog jack about the witching hour

 

Thursady 2 June 1988

 

                Today infintely lighter Had a good sleep last night Must be best in weeks Or is it years Woke with enough steam up to give up smoking Having been trying slap handedly for a wee while now Well if seven and a half years is a wee while Its certainly more than a mirror full Trying to get the right spot is so difficult I've been looking for it for a week now Then suddenly the smorning There it was Had a good breakfast and a dream easy trip in The day too Just flowed by When I do this Its like this other person thats hid away in the basement rises up like the god of the sea To claim his rightful place Grab lung fulls of real air Stride down the road in seven league boots Why then do I always want to destroy this by burning it all down Its like dreaming of drink The other night I've stopped for two days now Yet I still want to drown myself I mean Theres no drink problem as long as I keep drinking Right The problems only start if I havent got any Right but then the dream said yeah Thats right But do that and you'll have a dope problem as well Thats what lies sleeping under the drink Thats why I was trying to ring terry belle the other night See if the street wise kiddie is really streetwise Or only creep wise Also pauline She'd be the one I guess she was always the one In a manner of speaking Which is why calling would not be easy Given that calling desperate susan would still be difficult at the best of times But why Why bother I'm half hi now So lets hit the road Make some curry Then watch a film maybe Toodle lou

 

Friday 3 June 1988

 

                The double bubble again But first a step back in time What I can remember that is Woke up this morning buzzing with smoke free enthusiasm Mainly that after all the effort of yesterday at the end I reneged I smoked a couple or so Still woke again determined Also was much more optimistic about bermondo However the early start didnt materialise Oh it was there in that I got up okay But then feeling good I said what the hell The most important thing is to be yourself To enjoy Be aware So I took it easy Had some breakfast I think Then to the bath Lay for ages there daydreaming Had two good ideas about stories Though one is now gone In fact was gone then Well during that day I tried several times to recall it But it wasnt for coming The other still here though not as clear concerned a visit to godot by someone who had no knowledge of any of that scene But simply enjoyed the humour to the ire of the culture vultures Then after this interlude with time running on by I became somewhat concerned at a sudden list in my bowels and repaired to the john henry With of course the oldest laxative known to man That is A good smoke So then it vanished But it didnt the mood remained pretty much the same In fact the smokes seemed a good idea as I might need them in the unknown of south bermondo So I set off time running hither and thither Not bothering much though Sod of a journey Bus to strat Tube to bank to elephant Then bus it down the old mono kent road Looking for a two pound hotel Found it at eleven Interupted jay ringing lamsac looking for old speedy here Not too impressed at all No not with that With the place the set up there A barren industrial estate in the middle of nowhere A fucker to get to too Still started on in with the deal Dont know if jay has made the right move Still theres gold in them thar hills alright and thats what the mans looking for on the end of his trowel Not for me though Not at all what I'd imagined No women for one thing About the only reason I went down there Check out the talent Still got stuck in til six when there was a general exodus to the boozer Jay got balled out over the phono by mags about it Its biz though he said He asked if I was coming but I said I had a lot to do Which in retro was truer than I knew Or at least ego knew Took two hours to get home mainly went south at eight instead of north at nine Then just missed the overhead at strat and the next was cancelled No points at shenfield Got in in strange mood Glad I'd went Got it out of the way Exorcised the ghost of a chance Now I just wanted to kick it into touch Even beginning to regret I'd taken the thing on Though knowing all the time I'd of never rested if I'd not But what the hell Leave it for the morning Get pissed tonight Only I wasnt in the mood So fumfered about Then watched the tenant which took care of the evening Forgot all about the booze Resolved to give up smoking again and looked on this as some preparation Was going to watch family life later but taped it instead and went to bed instead Resolved to knock these debtors out of the way as soon as poss Not really looking forward to it now its here All these dreams of eight quid an hour Like any Once theyre here you dont want them Anyway thats the page used up Onward Upward

 

Saturday 4 june 1988

 

                So to saturday Slowly catching up Woke at ten A good sleep A cup of coffee then back to the bugbag Plan the day Rolled out about eleven Beaten the smoke spider If its going to bite it'll do so immediately Half an hour and its licked Fifteen hours though Thats another story which will be arrived at presentimentally Decided to get things together Get the grub in Also my time sheet off Had to dig out last weeks Not sent yet Not sure why Well at the time never got round to it Then thought I could pick up on seven by delaying We'll see Sailed out heading for the depot Then saw an interurban which I thought would take me to the gate post Then thought I might as well go the whole hog Went down to strat The one below old fast fingers Made it in just on twelve Wondered will it make it Thats last call For monday that is It doesnt have to be there til tuesday But I still wonder Then from there to the green payola mach saw the twins Looking for cherries coming up Wondered whether to follow them The rain came down Ducked in an alley and walked the other way Down to the precinct Fort apache Wandered up and down a couple of times saw the twins again Went back to the entrance Stood musing on mans lot This socialist worker woman came up with some pamphlet I was tuned into the phonos I cant hear I said and shot off Feeling bereft of my lately discovered socialist conscience Went into uncle without a list and went on a minor spree Lotsa fresh fruit and strawbs Heart of the union Forgot the coffee but I'm working on stock so no matter Came out of there and grabbed an overarm back Here about one No maybe two Somewhere in that vicinity anyway Put the gear away then made some garlic sarnies out of a demi baguette Listened to the route eighty eight country show Resolved to see miss olsin at the shaw in about a week Will I go Kept thinking I've gotta start these debtors Eventually started about five fifteen Had a break in there somewhere and eventually stopped about gone midnight Made some grub then feeling pretty good Having been stopped smoko all day was quite hi Made up my mind through doing it to get it the hell outta the way and not wind up in these situations in future Watched jagger from old sixty eight granada that I taped a wee while ago Then this space invader thriller about mister objectionable yuppy Oh had a smoke through this after eating Didnt enjoy it but couldnt stop Couldnt believe that I actually knew I wouldnt Still thought there was some magic hidden away in there I was missing Anyway after the yuppo games machine caught a little of willie dixon and his grandson blowing some blues to midnight russia through some clandestine elly tv show It all happens on network Well even without old cobber finch and the beaut miss parker Played a couple choruses on the baby grand and baled on out

 

Sunday 5 June 1988

 

                So halfway through Heres sunday Wheres mac man Woke about midday Determined to make a smoke free zone repaired to bed til half one There to consider the day In all its hidden gory Rose then to some lacklustre corn burgers More due to my lustre than their lack Or should it be my lack to their lustre Then back to the treadle mill peeble at one Well half three Now totally resolved to kick it into touch and say good riddance Stuck in for awhile then at five put on some stew Then back into it til the rivals Captain absolute and oh trigger Pop rang just into the start as I was eating the stew Hes off to south wales with the hysterical sock First contact in two weeks the others seem well Whats most well is I seem back into the old stream with them all Finished off the rivals then back to the groin stone Finished it at midnight with the rankin miss pea Quick burst of creased shirts Shone my shoes Then found a paper cup of cigars Well one wouldnt hurt Might unlock the doors So gave it a shot While waiting for kettles for the steam heat to come through Definately on the blink Stinking like dead fish Lay in the bath drift dreaming on the phonos Finally hit the hay about three

 

Monday 6 June 1988

 

                Which brings us finally Full circle Back to today Here once again like at the start wondering whether to get pissed Have made a half assed attempt Plenty of special brew of which I've had two Plenty of neurofen of which I've had four My head has been louping all day Still is though in lower key Still I've caught up Thats the main thing I can relax now So what of today Was up at seven Watching readybrek teevee for the first time in ages Shades of shady lane britvic there Had an almost edwardian breakfast Well serial eggs and alvin Took it easy But still took it Like little whatsit from betzdorf Caught a bus down to the cross The operator gave out some lip or did he I couldnt really work it out Something about I didnt look like I got much exercise Well I had to run for it Weighed down with a bag of davies murrell ledgers Then he stopped ten yards past the stop What the hell It got me to a train in the station Not moving Doors closed The caboose open Baled in with a coupla others and into the end car Joined by a diminutive india lady looked like mrs gandi Then on the trail of the seventy eight waited a half hour at a stop I wasnt sure was in service Then when it came the driver baled out at aldgate east for ten minutes Anyway made it down by half nine and of course jay wasnt there As I was late on friday so he was today So started going through it What a drag As usual hes lost when it comes down to actualities Hes too sly Anyway I put my point over okay Will wait and see now Well I'm supposed to call What to do Especially now So left at eleven and took an hour to get to pimlico Oh henry back Started on more analysis of subsistence and print stationary Thought it was prescient when bryan said you want something to do Anyway carried on no sweat Went out for a coupla sausage rolls stamps and a card for crampers later on In the bakers this fluttery prima donna woman blows in talking half to herself and half to everyone Then wonders what to do when people look at her and wonder what to do Not like the lady over the jump As tasty as her pies Towards the end of the day asked jules is she perm and whats the score on what she was saying before Load of baloney and by the way your finishing this week Thanks for telling me jules But the real thing is it made no impact at all Oh yeah well thats something new Its true I dont care If theres no work next week at least I can start on some of these writing projects I've been thinking about of late So wait and see Thats brilliant So home then and the thought of tying one on Not too successful Except as a last blast on the ciggies Which i started after baling out of atlantis this morning Not sure why Not too sure about anything right now Just take it easy Goodnight

 

Tuesday 7 June 1988

 

                Good grief Twenty to three already Was going to start this an hour syne Still Je ne sais quoi Never say die Funny old day Brought about by the old strange brew last night Needless to say have not indulged this abend Or what would I be doing here now Right Nor smoko tojo Since six have been riding hard Straight out of marlboro co Also east virginia Via holborn battered box Which must remember for chic No green that is Sweet virginny Love thirty The old dirty hurty Jackanapes Sure is a hard card to play Listening to lowell george just now Courtesy of jah ken john a coupla hours ago Liitle feat One of the few bands of the seventies to send a chill down the spine Like the doors a decade earlier Still depends on the cut of your spine i spose Ipso Right on so Alfonso an steambuck tabby But enough This light headed banter must cease Bring me a hogs head of bull city reds So woke up at seven The alarm sounded like a flow flying jagged shrapnel Tearing holes in my ear drum walls It was no good i was immobile Totally Lay there til half eight Then gingerly stuck out a big toe Mr engineer Let a poor boy ride Into the john for half an hour sat tenderly astride the can Smoked a couple So much for the free zone Back out at nine Back to bed Picking daisies Should i shouldnt i should i shouldnt i should i go to the ball Better ask rocking wrapping cinders Tell me a story maxie Madder the better Bout out back jungle bugs Right doc Oh aye jimmy Good gem good gem Gargle gargle gargle and thats football So eventually decided to go in about half nine Feeling a wee bit more alive by then Went in old grey paint strides and warwick blue Down to liverpool gate Fifteen men on a circe line weight Down to pretty saint james bacon butties and lloyds list with doors i couldnt find Then down to the okay coral Blown in cool Kinda late Always makes me feel that wait Things warmed up nicely through the day Then down to whats up doc this evening where i mostly off loaded my head About smoko jobs projections money holidays cj bermondsey oh henry jay and bee rodders rises Guess i spoke too much It should be an exchange Not just a mart Well least ways thats what cj says Though hes very contra at times My own diagnosis in which the doc concurs Then back up here One buzz to strat Then shanks to here Watched this beeb one play Made me feel like the day was over But that was hours ago Luckily watched lotsa other stuff Machine ghosts mo kagel swiss family rollover Taped jumpin john Made some soya spaggerty Taped through a glass darkly Will i see though it though Or saw through it Who knows So long new york Hello east orange

 

Wednesday 8 June 1988

 

                A good day i think A wee bit boring in places but overall I'd have to say All right on the day Didnt go to bed til four this morning Somewhat wacko this morning entering the smokeless zone Still there In cloudy daze Rolled in at half ten Spent the day farting about mostly Nothing to get my teeth into Their fault not mine Still rang screaming jay Went down very well despite  the fact i know its all projection on my part He thinks i think that i do not know how to do the job Also thinks I'm wringing round looking for work Hes trying to let me down gently Even as i seek to do the same to him I dont wanna be stuck with this job so cobbled it over the weekend Wrang today just to keep my end of the log up My worst fear was that I would be required to lift his as well Now all is resolved Whack in an invoice and make whoopee Rang rodders too except hes on a days leave as screaming jay number two would say Usta say I dont no The village scribe Thats all i am Dont look to me for any deep meaning Giving up smokings about the most intellectually challenging thing I've ever attempted Anyway spoke with bina So lovely on the phone So scowling in persona Said I'd ring in the morning though she'll probably pass on the ms anyway Well i think she will I hope she will Will she Saw a vision like her on the tube home Only younger Like normas daughter Softly brown The tube Maker of fantasies and tragedies Assailed by ideas for stories never written This morning A kind of bulletin board hand out For all the people travelling there who can never make contact with all the others Spice it up Some kinda hitchcockian intrigue Sheila bank robber Who knows Will write it all next week With all the others Never written It was midnight it was raining It was not midnight it was not raining But it is just now Pissing down Must away and finish Prime cut at midnight Reminds me A chop sits in splendid abandon Thawing in the kitchen Must not desert it Watched the dresser before Uncle albert expiring in leary grand finale Things going well Bon soir

 

Thursday 9 June 1988

 

                An early start Eight in the abend Well just gone actually My fingers fly faster than the hands sometime Have decided to spend the evening writing so will attempt to knock this into touch immediately One of my many obsessions Easier one day at a time than double bubble slugs that loom like mist shrouded mountains hanging on the edge of the horizon Also doing some taping with country blues and young andy to choose from Country wally cat willum not as good as it usta be as they always do a live gig second half which is old country rather than new Still this aint bad Six days on the road First heard in the taj mahal with ryland on second guitar Many moons ago Old and new From a secondhand copy from the cob You know me pure corn Tried a tape of road just then but it didnt cut the mustard so i went into an abort mode Take a slug of good pure scotch Beats the hell outta this corn Third bottle in three months Not bad and boy am i looking forward to it Release the creative juice like a flood of sludge outta grand coulee damn Need to cook up some grits too Put down a roughage mattress on the floor of the stomach Catch these high balls spinning offa the top shelf Specially with the fragile state of my guts these days Even in these non drink days The others i mean Which is most of them God this man is incredible Just had a rendition of secret love Old kathy kay number that i once saw years ago in a pub near the barbican after a typing lesson But the guts Flatulence is a problem these days Not the aural rendition as i proved the other night by letting rip while examining the frozen fish in uncle johns Its the silent gaseous type that have me worried It seems that the liquidity content is increasing No doubt due to the cooling process within Like old suns dying Well whatever I have mad visions of the incontinence wellies looming up over the horizon The phone just rang I didnt answer it I suppose some people would think that kinda strange Well i guess theyve never been gripped by anything Well neither have i Well leastways not by what i wanted Still its here tonight somehow Just as i write this a woodrow gee harp comes blazing in which must prove something To me if not to you Not the old dust bowl but sure sounds like him All these sounds flood in from all over All the time I dont know why Still wembly concert is over and back now to some real stuff Stuff music Lenny bees favourite Stuff What ever ones looking for Arch stanton reaching out from beyond the grave Up to his room Have a blast Listening to charlie pattons grandson blow a few blues But what all now Willie nelson One eyed blues form mean jimmy caanan streets Brought the bottle back this time On the second shot Record the log The state lottles Everyone a winner Just checked in the times half and half which is like a bottle by midnight Raise my dreams The spacemans log Anna and john Four figs get an aye level Oh thats years ago I cant keep place with this shit these daze Just drink it all down Blow it away Holy shit it tastes good Who was on the phone What was my worst worry Jay with some debbie mcready balances needing to get hung Well i lost ma black mask Thumbing lifts round two thousand year old crete picture shows Snow joe coming over for chess and my brains scrambled and you know how i hate to loose But mainly the balances Seems like theres a shade of danny doughnut lurking round the ram sack peripherals Sos lets get in there Notice it There it is again That old esso extra number Dont know where that crept in from but its sure been here before That old subco number risin up wavin its white flag like a ghost in a wind swept sheet Me running like usual Me an danny donut Waving invoices in the air Straight outta my cash register eyes Counting pennies while waiting for the bus to heaven Thinking bout some grub Must go through soon Cook up a mess Victuals for the vitals Pork chop hilly beans and do the mash potato Kinda hard with jersey specials Less you squash them tween thumb and four fingers Looks good on the plate but sure need to stave the chain to get them there What the hell Theres all night an right now i lost the plaice Floating out into blue by you oblivion Getting drunk The greatest thing in the world Altered states and spates and crates and all the rest Good exercise for the fingers Give the keyboard hell Collect in words Take it all down The boggy cog of the splattered lottles This is getting nowhere Where should it go I dont know This is just an evening furlough A weekend pass midweek Fore day worry Work the weekend maybe Could do This euphoria Rising on the back of down the road blues which too was all right so that this now is real cream Double whipped bubble tied up in chains Forty lynx of fast freight games Thats the grits in the skillet Should be good A shoulder chop shrooms and toms jersey turnpike baby pots holly colly and redcats Should be cooking anyway Its all in the pot Whilst old doughboy all the while taking a slurp from his three fingered glass and rushing back and froth to put sounds on the head track But consumption is falling down to a glass an hour Such progress maybe i should try for a queens award Poured the third in here slopping small spots like i saw in a dream a wee while back Switched off the steam heat The switch doesnt crack anymore It just kinda pushes up all mushy like a dull knife through stale melted cheese Hope it doesnt blow Jules was talking today bout work at home and what if there was a fire No prob says old bazooka The gunny sack books will be first in the firemans blanket Makes you think though The old synchro number Mind I've known that all my life Say it even in jest and true it comes Tree also But enough Should i leave here and head on out for the western skies These nefarious projects Tailor made for empty evenings Only the pens always so too Is this a log or a jumping off spot Dogballed out the window Summer misted newham ones of long ago Looking for willie bean Through breakfast treat old ruskie vodka bottle Rusted old trusty busty brightom pier memory Anyway dinner now after this track by little age old indian girl folksinger like las vegas Only good things the good andrew has braced these ears with haute abend pet No not true Just ate a hearty meal the player playing the while and it dont go without something good in it Dont remember them all but thats the charm Play em back later Surprise myself All of us Donut bazooka faro and the captain and then some All achin to get a word in Anyone Theyre all the same No no no here we go again Down desperation row Which is where I've been gently running from All the while

 

Friday 10 June 1988

 

                Ah the sweet smell of the weekend Theres a draught sneaking in here from somewhere Still no windows seem to be open Will investigate presently What the hell Maybe its the chill of coming storms The torrent of words i feel is poised to break Not working this weekend Well not the butter wolf stuff that is The real thing is looming ever closer every day though I can feel it Its almost tangible sometimes All i need is the time for it to appear Which i will make Any day now Theres a weeks reprive at ham shank Not sure whether this is cards or the lump Will see Nothing from rodders so basically screw you squire Depends on the holiday situation to a certain degree although since i dont know what the deal is on this its a somewhat paradoxical situation I do know something happens at five hundred but like old mohammed i have only four ninety nine and am quite likely to be run out Though could be quite luckily in some ways Keep on the move One step ahead of the revenue man Keep moving the still This mortal copper coil strung out tight My fingers taut over pregnant keys Into angels with a couple Found the leaking window by the way In the kitchen Opened to give egress to various sharp pungent odours that have accrued through the day Maybe from the dissolving steam heat switch Now fuseless A hasty precaution i pressed into service this morning To protect the lamsac ledgers in case of fire That you may remember was being considered just yesterday However in the final outcome jules was not for letting go the books Which fit quite well as it was only captain sawbuck that was pushing for them Anyway on receipt of a donut financial this morning it appears i have a weeks largesse still languishing there Dont how how this comes about Will do an ad hoc investigation In the morning One of these mornings Now this fuse of creation seems to have burnt out Goodnight

 

Saturday 11 June 1988

 

                Happy birthday nelson Rose about midday Full of great intentions To read great books and write them Watch simulating intellectual films Instead tuned into wembley at twelve for a brief glimpse and remained glued til eleven Dont know what all these words and books are about other than some kind of obssession that is constantly with me Sometimes i mention it here but mostly not Its just something you have to learn to live with If you keep on about it only gets boring Its simply part of the minutia of my life The external details may seem a little unusual but at its root its absolutely no different from the minutia of everyone elses So There you go The concert was dead brill man Specially since i found out dire straits are geordies Lends creedence to my theory that easy is also Nearly everyone else on the bill good too Even the ones i didnt expect to be Whitney houston and stavros michales for instant Then the ones i never heard of or saw before only briefly were something else like tracy chapman little steven and natalie cole Then there was the old faithfuls You rhythmix you be forty sting chrissy hand aswad joan armour plating uncle joe steel et al After watched second part of the only game Still none the wiser Designer thriller for yuppies Otherwise little so far of any merit Maybe there is Maybe its me Too dismissively cynical of everything in sight Applying boney maloneys reducto princip relentlessly to everything under the hammers eyes gavel Well it does come down that way in the end Everything does The elaborate pretence dissolves to leave the vacant swinging scaffold flapping forlornly in the wind Or so they tell me Anyway after yuppy yarns round the fireside i swam to kampuchea in an attempt to score some equilibrium if not some scar keys and some blues Played a few visions on the ole johanna then departed skyward in search of a pilot about three thirty Close to the dawn The chorus gargling in the hasty darknesses Oh went most of the day in the smokeless zone Emerging reluctantly just after ten Some makings in a tin Hastily assembled into one rollo Zoot horn I'm gone

 

Sunday 12 June 1988

 

                Lazy sunday afternoon Morning and evening too Woke at ten to some smoke free coffee Was going to carry on with cj Did a little but the alchemy set is some heavy going Retired into the phonos with a set of country paul jones blues Emerged into the worn light of day about one Decided to keep going on this tack of lazy good humoured indulge Watched a coupla more films Family life and stranger than paradise by james scaramouche Didnt eat much Some scrambles and bacon cakes and biscuits Lotsa coffee Been manicuring the tapes this evening Shades of five long years Lenny bee dissolving in supreme court intrigue However progress in these intervening years Taping from four to one Like a rotational conveyor In a glass mine full of grits Now its nearly done Have three final tapes going as well five sources tapes In some cases one tape serves both ways Danny says like to see you do that through the dope daze haze of those days now No way says faro Hosee says sawbuck Fair annoyed says capt paranoia Point me to the inferno But enough of this mental manicure Some of the physio type is required to complete the week end Will depart that direction soonest done Five years on the tape gang has left me temporarily bended That is not to say broke and hungry too Though this of course not true Like all else Possibly Or not Onward men Enough of this idle dalliance

 

Monday 13 June 1988

 

                Have fifteen deadmen to kill Whilst waiting for the steam heat to do the biz or explode Also some greenback bako bouncing round the skillet Prior to being sandwiched in lettuce and toms Me sneaking in here for a quick burst of the day So easy done this way than in double bubble slugs Saw a pub today in wilton road called the slug and lettuce Wilt runs from the top of denbigh street Work was a dream drift considering i didnt boogie down til four in the morning Jules confirmed that this is on me Not rodders the reed spider What shall i charge Nine seems to be favourite Whack it in and see what happens Crashing through the payroll costing out Well hardly crashing Cruising would be more like Noticed that mart the fart was on seventeen and a half Worth keeping in mind Though the mysterium deepens as we received today a memo from el commandante welcoming jules aboard as i/c finance On a contract basis that is Which really means as far as i can see that fuck all has actually happened beyond a verbal assurance on her part to stay and perhaps some enhanced terms on theirs Now now daniel enough of this sillysysm If it helps jules it helps you No biting the hand that feeds mister pavlov Will see what happens at the end of the week In the meantime hang on in there

 

Tuesday 14 June 1988

 

                Well packered at the moment But pleasantly so Just missed a bus at greenwich so walked almost to the tunnel entranced to kill time Then at stratford just missed the train there I mean really just missed Managed to get my toe end to the guards cab as it pulled out It being in my opinion leaving at least a minute early Then walked back to the broadway and just missed a twenty five so walked down as far as the baths and picked up on one there No big deal though None of this caused so much as a ripple at the time I was listening intently to the red tape

 

Wednesday 15 June 1988

 

                Only wednesday Somehow it seems like years since last i was here Working now in true lenny bee fashion on the blue tape Up dates This whole process much simpler now Blast it out on the phonos the while For a bit of ersatz adrenaline Which is helpful here as I'm four days into the zone and the ice is getting thin Keep seeing neon filters rise up like phoenix from the gastat Visions of diving down there Three in the am Wash it off with a half and half of diesel blast The whole bit lurks the whole time in the ante chamber of posse bility brown Waiting to sleak out like the trident mans net In the empty out of season coliseum My little christain lion heart toasting to perfection on sparks of pure ritual imago

 

Thursday 16 June 1988

 

                What to do when the words dont come I was going to sit here and spiel it all off Now not a think will float to the surface Assuming theres something below it Maybe it needs more concentration To follow on whats already written you have to read it back get in the particular groove and then go for it But right now the needles bouncing all over the place No point in even trying I guess maybe I'm just too mean to invest the required time Or find it or something Or something to say or something Some loose words Fast and free Floating in the breeze Shooting at stars Picking them off with this gun of mine Wherever they are Theyre gone Long and lost Baptised in the blues Tangled up in red pink tape Skyward seeking lone distance home Through this turgid maze Slow stopped stream drifted and drifted Broken links of faulty chain Slipping reels of old soundtracks

 

Friday 17 June 1988

 

                Double bubble on the first days holiday Catching up Wha'ppened back there Back here on this last friday Well nothing really Went in finished off the biz pretty easily about half two Went to the bank Ham shanks that is Then back to piddling round til five Then played jules at chess Kinda strange just using the machine for a manual board Cant work jules out at all on this thing Shes definately played before But when I made a grosse cock up and left my queen for the taking she thought it was a trap and ignored it Later on i went on to win Did she let me win Figuring that she won easy last night and then again would do today if straight into my queen Then again did she really think that was a trap with the queen I obviously kept shtoom when she said Ah i know what your doin there More than me i thought Any way What the hell It was the last day for a while or for ever Said bye bye to barney and bryan and oh henry No one else Geoff left in a hurry yesterday and i didnt want to delay him Twelve gallon john was not in today Mary is far too quiet to bother with such things Any way I'm far too stuperstitious to believe in saying it too often if i want to come back Will see This week may be crucial Whatever Decided that i could celibate the holyday by tying one on Had half a full bottle so bought a new half to go with it Arrived in about eight Decided to do nothing but drink Oh smoke too Back in the zone again these last two days having snuck out wednesday night at two for tabac Then watched it down with whisker and ginge and woke finally at eleven to roll in lately yesterday So felt good on this mix of special strange brew Good enough to call the great white whale of kentish town High there ahab on the line here Care for a schooner or two No way snarled the elephant woman diving fretfully back into an outlandish pair of trunks Then for an early bath

 

Saturday 18 June 1988

 

                To wake at six with a blinding hangover Never said anything about this on the bottle No my good doughnut it did not Anyway stumbled back and forth round here Even the morning smoke nearly had me wretching and reeling Coffee also when i finally managed to make some My head was sure as hell sore So bad i was dizzy Jose miss lizzy Kept almost falling in piles of puddles Couldnt lie still sit or shit or anything Diaboloso Tried a coupla neurofen then three brufen Would of kept on mixing combos of anything going but luckily this last seemed to work This actually only hits me now as i sit and scribble here at close to the midnight hour which in fact tonight is the summer solstice Midsummer nights dream Come home puck all is forgiven Trying to work out whether to take a trip through the grave yard for solidarity with stonehenge Will see Perhaps later Anyway fell finally asleep Musta been the brufen Lately nothing neuro seems to work Though i dont recall that brufen has ever worked in this capacity before Still theres a thirst for everything So slept thank god and woke somewhat shaky about elf oor Think i read a little Bled even too for all i or the guardians know May have read cj too Somewhere about here i finished up psycho and religico of alchemy Cant really claim to have got more than the title and not even that it seems But it helps make the chain which though i may not see it on this level will probably feel it somehow in lower levels Well instinctively i guess Probably minimally too Too I mean how often does alchemy crop up in your daily bread So anyway i was lying there thinking about all this Wondering whether to write whaat on my favorite wall When who should blow but snow joe A blast on the tewkesbury horn that announces the presence of strangers in these parts So me stumbling out and hurriedly racing round here hiding glasses and bottles This was going to be a squeaky clean day but not now as in whys and a dressing down and i really need a smoke here which also here now monday as well as here now saturday there in the past that is written from now at the front of the train means wowee pretty scaree Take me to the grave yard sonny bunchums Blowing a careful blast of loser take nothing on your homerun storeyville harp Whatever shooting the breeze with joe discover its vive the republic and full speed for a semi final place Then whats my line with the steam heat The casing is stripped faster than gypsy rose on a slow night To reveal the heart of darkness winking out of dusty cuspy acid drops Will rehab in the morgan Which reminds have been doing much of the herb lom number these last few daze Still on the same old chords but getting a smidgin faster i fancy Well anyway just thought I'd slip that in there A small blade of swift sharpened eternity So watched the game and oh sad oh sad how they wuz robbed Those pesky hollanders sneaking in with such a crumby crabby cruddy skiddy goal Yuk Then the continuing rustification of england Glasnost really does work Take note snatch So what could i do but open the other half which lay virgin pure from last night A swig was all that had been removed and that too was still at large in green glass in the top of the cupboard where it was moved this morning after being abandoned last night So that too and a few smokes and old episodes of brooksiders then james garner in the skin game then the chic korean war i forgot to watch then life with the yuppies part three in which it seems the smart arses are due to get their come uppance But will they Dont miss last weeks next episode Will moby the dickhead finally get her whale Hiding in the snug under ena sharply grape shot toupee Whatever after watched terry the poser with parky the sharky Then forgot patty hy smith after dark and went to bed

 

Sunday 19 June 1988

 

                Then up sunday once more into the zone Stalking it Talking it The communications buzzer went at half eleven Snow joe on the space shuttle Old speedy here to drain excess tanx of steam heat Which accomplished in the recycling mode which meant Not a damn thing Too many pipes taps and stops Fifes and drums Finally got it all down which reminds me theres still a leak which even at this moment may be turning into a flood No in fact keine probleme The cereal bowl A poco cops by the way Only still half full from this time last night Which means What The thing has stopped What Leaking thats what Which means What Guess What Guess what What I reckon its time for a smoke Thats what Gotcha there rambo But have you I havent gone yet though the ice is thin So tried back here in sunday that is which at the point i write about was in the zone At that time at least Examined the warp drive on the steam heat and found that we were down to phaser power only Even spocks special steam heat spanner failed to dislodge the geranium tubes from the soul of the mach So it was leave it for steam heat repair man to visualise outta the firmament with perchance a bigger spanner or some other means or magic for penetrating this forbidden zone Especially when protected by invisible shocks of switched off power So after this was repairing for lazy sunday kinky afternoon when realised that the old bowls were not what they were and would be better for a little help in the manner of their discharge which same could best be administered from within the zone Thus doing so saying that was the clear patches of low cloud set four sail to the swift flapping wind The rum ration though was safely switched overboard having consumed all remaining stocks last night in one last mad fandango So they say My head was sore and it went down slow Not like wild in daze of yore Or was it gore Fell flung head first bleeding down tacky smoking uncleaned skating underground esculator In warwick blue jacky which same still carries indelible scars of this last mentioned escapade which was immediately pre amerika Where it behooves me to mention friar tuck re entered the zone after eighteen months in the land of the free Well if such it can be construed That wild shaky domaign of uncle slipper and eugene superknife So what all else happened yesterday I have not a clue Its only twenty four hours hence but might as well be at the hint end of torus jump jive Ate lots of sweet sickly biskies cakes and whatnot Anything really that came to hand Yoghourt apricot cheese strawberry flan Jaffas cheddars gaffers and maxs blues Fusty feisty somewhat tasty Very strange This old game Run rings round the memory Hope some old jack will jump outta the box Been there bean Been been and gone Said the berber barber sharpening his sword on some old darkies patent leather pump Suddenly it occurs There was some communication on the video box Aha The coup The new regime of course Which explains while presently i write this ms from undercover of sweet dark night Then read some more and finished cj Made in roads into history of dorky hellenic sophistry So then what then Read just the while and hit the hay

 

Monday 20 June 1988

 

                So here it is Returned to the zone this morning Then on a whim of pure caprice decided to enter also the parallel zone of absolutism Which in this case is entered by total fasting Have been now for twenty four hours The intention is to make friday which will take us all far into the heart land Somehow But is it possible and still stay in the zone I have been there once but oh so long ago A rough and rocky ride Some extra terrestial side effects if i remember a rite But what today This last of no matter now Have been training through barberella manual Then marching to ilfo city On meagre supplies of stomack empty Then back and and preparing the craft All port holes now wonderfully translucent So much so i can feel the street at my back even as i write this while faced to the wall So now i sit huddled over this log This is strange territory hereabouts Started four days ago at eleven o'clock and now four days on its only two and a half hours later which makes it a little past the wild mid slumber night The zone starts to distort in weird ways Especially when allied to sister ramadan Which sometimes feels like sister morphine in the lovely deadening effects of their tenetacles Which last is forever witheld lest we drones give up the ghost and cease this worthless toll of propping pit ponies Have left the zone Slipped out to the station next door Old red eyes slipped me a pack Still in the parallel This is doing a deal i know Have just written up some dreams which are the only true charts here abouts The midsummer night passes on

 

Tuesday 21 June 1988

 

                Back inside the zone At this point Looking back to here was outside it Went back out late last night Now two nights ago Emerged from the command module early this pm Decided to go back on rations Snuck into the refectory and set seige to the tuck shop All the usual things Cakes biscuits apricot cheese Plaice fillets and tom sauce Even after only a day on zero rations donut felt and considered himself somewhat weakened by the escapade though he was at some pains to keep this fact from the superiors After taking on board these excess portions he returned to the space module It was to be an aftie with his philo primer only the food stocks so knocked him out he had to pass on this in an attempt to gain access to the recharge mould This too failed and eventually he settled for the submersible He emerged from that to a long internal debate as to whether he should keep his appointment with doc feelgood His weakly debriefing session He decided against and returned to his philo facts Later the video brought news of blindness and breakdown An analogy for the world out there he fondly imagined From the world in here he fondly imagined After there was light relief The sports prog The wimbledon gladiators and the flying dutchmen beating the gerrys The early part of the night he spent alone on the bridge Surveying the remains of the eastern highway It passes right by here He watched a youth who was watching the apartments opposite Later the youth was intercepted by john law who had the while been watching him Even as he had been watching the falts and me him Nothing of note happened As he arrived there and snuck round the back a light inside went off The last that was on Later another flashed on and off all inside the same second Coppers and youth spoke for some time No obvious result Had un chien andalou in the back ground of this The argentinean version by mauricio kagel Which followed ghosts about five hoorays in a boat who took turns at playing the masthead Ho ho Then finally back out again on the overnight shuttle to inner space

 

Wednesday 22 June 1988

 

                Which arrived back in the zone at midday A day and a half back from midsummer night Into the dark half of the year The long road home some would say However donut is in the haymarking biz this year and will have none of it This is a mountain plateau ghost train staging stop says he No way is it meant for looking backwards So saying he advances immediately to the greek baker on the corner Rolls and cakes for his sweet tooth brecon Kidneys and eggs too Coffee and juice In the zone they all taste good Then to a long walk to the paymasters booth Here at the bottom of the high street Presently undergoing refurbishment The machines being converted to open air twenty four hour display Then to the supply depot for miscellaneous communications Gifts and cards that stay in touch Returned on an urban shuffle Up the high street Then in to small snacks and the latest from the gladioli A demi baguette with toms and luncheon meat Five alive and coffee Then here at the control module Noting it all unceasingly incessantly and untiringly down The log of the jam donuts by capt baguette retired Gawd dag it bag it Where ya bin Checking the charts Numeros uno bis octo The dream scenes from last years back end to this years financial Finally gave out on terry belle and the poison dwarf That and the lateness of the hour Now coming up to tomorrows dawn Actually is chronologically speaking tomorrow So a last round up through this galloping poll Inspected the launch pad earlier this evening All seems well The top forty seems a little odd though Like rotten row Lotsa furtive looking muscle men in haircuts and moustaches dodging through the bushes Me the innocent abroad Looking for new supplies of fuel Being followed by strange eyes out of tea shirts and shorts Then back for some dino nilson home movies Interupted by a call from patrolman flex Ringing in with details of his latest mission Should he choose to expect Reconciling the umbrella ledger under bow flyover Later me reconciling the barberella ledger with spent mussels Then spag bog from the food hall Accompanied by memphis blues and trouble on maxwell street mart Then finally alone again in the control booth Keeping watch on the space ships opposite One is in process of rehab They only stopped working just a minute ago A paint job Some of the drones may have been waiting for the night bus Someone was at half two A rare occurrence for midweek in these parts The bus drew up stopped short and dimmed its lights like some preternatural creature run off the jewel lot Later all were gone Have no fear though Donut is on the case

 

Thursday 23 June 1988

 

                Still fresh on the case though just now back out of the zone At funf heure of samstag morgen Now furiously back tracking through two daze though some might say back sliding Slipping and tumbling too What happened here Here as in now and also here as in then Then is easy now is not so sure Then only requires memory Now seems to need something more Then was up finally at midday Down the road for wordy wordy rapping paper A prezzie to deutscheland A card to glasgow then back to prepare them for the journey Then back out once more to launch them Down the highway blues Long lines in the post depot Then a small bag of extraterrestial goodies from uncle john and back for the gladiators Find jimbos been and gone with a good result Watch some more Desultory stuff Eating french loaf sanders all the while til half seven Out to the launch pad Across the fields In sight of monolithic blocks Stood like sentinels Part of the twelve gates to the city See further up the long tall block where once i dreamt i chased the great white whale Back home once more to parachute play Jump off the tower I'm sure once i lived close by But where Taping world music blues the while Then oh one its london calling Then after What then A prog on booze Hit home finally once Drink kills Or so it seems Still am i sure I seem to be now Having realised my resistance is down the road The inwards sponge has soaked enough It'll soak no more Now only poison headaches are left From one can or two Then after that What then Fiddling about Playing tunes on my half strung twelve string Perchance a herb lom on keyboards Scanning the midnight horizon through german binos Then finally to bed to read a while Lists from a listing magazine

 

Friday 24 June 1988

 

                So friday here today Though now at nearly twenty hours hence A rose from slumber land Ten thirty Voices on the landing Mrs mop consulting with ron Seems those at the top of this building feel more should be done Cartharsis for all Or so my questing ear detects As probing eye looks on from safe sanctuary of cyclops spy trap Got dressed real fast Shoot out and see Whats up whats to be done But nothing Too slow all are gone Admit it take flight Then back in a fifty fifty trance til the lunch bucket swings rustily over the threshold A small popped coco breakfast No alpine really Then some black and white early sixty swedish trilogy Through a glass of winter bright silence Then out in the evening air for some honing of the appetite prior to a three course meal with wild witches of macverdi Then swinging negatives through the night Played some guitar for a while Cleaned everything up Just the usual wash day numbers Then snuck out and left the zone Later than usual The front door of the gastat was open thus proving the night is now gone Rolled one up and stood staring down the road Wondering should i redesign the pantry Then here to the stateroom to pour over these charts

 

Saturday 25 June 1988

 

                Leaving the zone once more In and out more often than a hookers elbow or a fiddlers behind Rose at one thirty finally After sundry sodding around settled down to hurricane jim and rosencrantz Which lasted from three thirty to seven thirty The result one for the people Then out after Promenade down to the gate Thinking all the while whether to stoke up on a pint of diesel Check out a small ad freebie address Turns out to be dusty window over a garage The main drag twist live and let die and princess alice Two grey round faces One black one white stare out into the dusk I wait A while For a buzz never comes Then back by way of the little known offy In for a pint of guyanan sweet and low diesel Back home spice it up with orange and pineapple Watch the only game part four The final part Maybe When does the game really stop Or start What all there was no story It was all a game A joke on the audience That was the game Pretend its a thriller killer Whatever After watched barry boxer last seen in boozer down the road from texmex headquarters in amerika Then night talk on porn Rang in to channel four twice to voice my opinions about fat arrogant porn star Dont know what I said now The diesel was doing its biz no doubt Tried also ringing a few small ad comfort stations but got nothing but poisoned answering machines Got through one time Dont know what i said though Better ask mister hyde Finished the diesel almost about one Crashed out on the sofa

 

Sunday 26 June 1988

 

                Woke at eight Smoked a last tab like the condemned man Well thats one way to hit the nail on the head Somewhat dazed and confused Got up tried to walk down the corridor Wobbling all over the place Very shaky sickly head pounding stomach wobbling throat choking eyes watering ears buzzing nose blocked pains in my shoulders my back my legs Feeling incontinent eyes unfocused halfway between peuking and croaking Nothing much The usual thing thats all When diving unprepared into a pint of the best after even just the briefest of layoffs like a week Well anyway made it to the bedroom The usual litter Trail of clothes dragged off with great difficulty Hit the sack feeling really shitola Felt just as bad horizo as vertico Even in the middle of the bed i kept thinking i'd fall out Or if i rolled on ma side a great green liquid hugh would come slithering outta ma mouth Kinda fell asleep except that all the while it was like turning from side to side whilst chained to invisible rocks and so that i could never get any godamn peace anyway So what else is new Woke again about twelve Disparate for a smoke Found everything was gone Started on home made tabs out of the butts Snipping the charred ash off with a scissor Rubbing and plugging to try get some semblance of order at last Just what the doc didnt order A new laid tab Went okay so far down then had me feeling like ready for heaving But nothing solid Thought about getting up Face the day manfully Then sod that for a game of soldiers Went back to bed Lay through the afternoon in a trance It was as though i was just lying there thinking and anytime I could of just got up only if i did i knew I'd immediately find I really had been someplace else and then to discover that I'd left early when i could of stayed would of been just too much so as usual i just kept shtoom The existential appro anything at all Like think of anything you want Just push the boat out Let it glide do all the work Just sit back like at the movies Finally came round it was half four The road men resurfacers were still going like the furies out there Staggered through peeked half an eye through the window Thought if I'd been in better fettle maybe could of got a job on the tarmac Ho ho Decided to go back to bed and drift dream some more Ideas thoughts memories half chances steam of honcho sort of numbers Woke next at nine starting to get dark Still feeling none too good Decided on a neurobrufo cure in two three mix Also a coupla glasses of adams to get things moving I had been eating somewheres about now Maybe this break Anyway whacked down the pills then fell somewhat half consciously asleep Woke somewhere maybe ten in a dead cold lather pan sweat Realised I hadnt moved a single muscle a tiny twitch in over an hour then fell back to trance land and stumbled out at quarter to eleven Started to feel half human like lon chaney junior looked down at the bax of ma hands the tufts had gone but not from inside my head Came through here to the stateroom Recuperate somewhat With smash and barberella Both started though not too long Then watched some of chilean third world number about a peon who blew his stack on three litres of wine and wiped out this widow woman and her five kids in hollis brown type numero Then gold dust rafferty and artie shaw through the night to six this morning Ekeing out the last recycled tabs about one then cigars through the night Then started on the diesel about three there were about three glasses left despite my previous macho prattling about finished the bottle which is really a pipe dream i imagine will bring gold at the pot of della rainbow One of these daze No sweat So that was it really I mean monday morning what the fuck else is there to do

 

Monday 27 June 1988

 

                So broke out of a half fine snooze at twenty to twelve Then back into the zone Its just too weird out there man So made some break jack or flap fast or whatever Then writing down dreams and watch the early afternoon tennis then lit out half two jumped a buzz to little ilfo Get some scratch out the green machine Down to uncle johns to bone up on some new supplies then back here about four in an old eighty six shot clear past the stop Had to get off at katherine street So Big deal Came back watched hotshot ivan going the distance with some down under bard Then what horizon about royal free disease then panorabble about north south divide More south than north and what a pratt nicky ridley is Then back to match of the day and guess what ivan and othello and everyone quoth uncle bill Then here and now just round it all up A quick scribble Jot it down What the hell Why not

 

 

 

 

Tuesday 28 June 1988

 

                Ah what of the night Here to compose quadruple bubble slugs What then of this day now lost in mists of time Somewhat a while ago Kept kind of thinking I'll fish something out of it but never did What do I remember That there was no play at wombledon Til five and half rained off Then watched ole jimbo depart Then took a notion for a little drink Rang pop first as some kind of dispensation Then down the road for a bottle  Dont remember too much more Drank about a half of it Watched robert morley wilde Kinda depressing Then later the seventh seal Not holding up so well apart from all the famous images Death chess the dance the sinners

 

Wednesday 29 June 1988

 

                So to wednesday Now two days ago Watched some more tennis Miss navratilova just scraping through against dinky little russian larissa Then a little edberg kuhnen then the end of wilander mecir then boris cash leaping into the net together Cashs unsung unsmiling face revealing all After a little lendl and mayote Maybe some peyote would of helped me if not them Went down the road for a half bottle of prince charlie Persuaded by the off licence keep it was a good buy Reminded me a bit of german whisk But did the job Enough to get me ringing channel four again to complain wild bill davison was not jazz but a load of old showbiz cobblers After having been bored at chet baker with van the man and elvis constipation showing off in the side lines Before that a prog about torture on the beeb Then out to the chinee for a meal Pineapple chi and sweetcorn soup Then sullenly drunkenly to bed

 

Thursday 30 June 1988

 

                So thursady came Woke with some tabs then into the zone at two to watch the ladies semi finale Martina and chrissy close Then stefi pam miles apart Then went for a walk round the park Down to the gate and bought ribs and chips on the way home Watched mercer mckern in marxist nonsense about the eve of publication Then later cries and whispers Came out of the zone towards the end Then to bed determined on a job Great wins on the tennis etc