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DAYBYDAYBYDAY
an ad hoc dimestore novelette.
By J J Galbraith
Heres the first bit
Sunday
20 March 1988
Woke at four. Couldnt sleep again. Read
philosophy for awhile. No help. Tried again at half five. No good. Quarter to
seven got up and ran around wanstead flats. Bought a sunday paper for the first
time in ages. Didnt read it. Also some TCP for my gum boil. The swelling was
huge but is slowly going down. Buggered about. Did some cleaning. Paid some
bills. Shaved off most of my beard. (Must find out what its called. What I've
got left that is.) Cut my hair. First time in an age. Since before christmas I
think. Looked out zoot shoes etc for the morrow. Watched silent twins. Kinda
strange.
Went to work again. Only the second time
this year. Woke at six. Decided not to try and sleep again. Did some cleaning
in the kitchen instead. Cleaned out the spice cupboard and washed the window
sill. Latter thick with husks of dead ladybirds. They're everywhere. I kill
about fifty a day. Have been doing for over a fortnight now. I feel guilty I
should open the window and let them free. I do sometimes but theres just so
many. What can I do. Got all dressed up and then went to work to find I was
working in a charles dickens paper warehouse. Reminds me of the yard. Still it
seems okay. Leastways I'll go again tomorrow. Had an orange at lunch in the
boozer. Amazulu! Actual work is not wildly stimulating but I knew that already.
It is after all only a form of self induced occupational therapy. Read someones
diary in the tube this morning. Noticed uncle geoff saunders birthday is coming
up. Wonder who the hell he is? Writer looked like bobgeldofclone. Watched big
steal haute abend avec mitch greer and the washing machine. Wrote up some
dreams later. They sparked some more. Must break this now and continue. So
long.
Tuesday
22 March 1988
Woke at quarter to six. Lay drift
dreaming for an hour. Got up and left early. Passed a damsel in car wont start
stress. Same place as last time. Shades of synchronicity. Pushed the car to the
garage. No lift this time. Though on second thoughts it wasnt going anyway.
Anywhere. Saw the other dame the other day down east ham high. Reached place
d'emploi back of eight. Good quiet day. Shades of twenty four hours which I
endeavour to read every day. Well did today anyway. Calm quiet solitude. Went
to see doc tonite. Had a good session but low on dreams. Must increase my
quota. Came home by smooth running sweet connecting interurban on time not late
quick change road runner passenger transit. Ate some spag watched loose bun
well in simon up a stick. Wrote these low blasted notes and hence to bed. Ho
hum.
Wednesday
23 March 1988
Woke at six. Wrote down a dream. Had a
reasonable breakfast. Eggs bran toast juice et al. Into work just after eight.
Took my notebook and started making notes. This place is good for that. I have
an office(!) to myself so can indulge my whim for aphorism to my hearst
content. Went to uncle johns tonite and bought all manner of goodies I've never
bought before or not for a long time. Jimi horlix lucas ade grapes of wrath
hole meal ticket biscuits in the bush telegraph run up a wrinkle. Speedy rang
tonite. One false ring preceding the call. Will spic agin tamarra. Rang for a
tank aussi. Isolate the moonbeams. Will drink a potion tonite and dream a
dream.
Thursday
24 March 1988
Woke about quarter past six. Wrote a
dream then nearly crashed. Saved by the bells. A double hunchbuck. Got to work
okay. No sweat. Boredom the only enemy. That and the swindle sisters next door.
Still nix is los. Went to the isolation tank tonite. Pretty neat. Not at all as
I expected. Time sheets arrived. Seems like danor is down the road on this one.
Still what the hell. Paye cant be all bad. Can it? We'll see. No phone calls.
Whats the matter? Did I do something wrong? Life generally pretty kool.
Friday
25 March 1988
No dreams today the sandmans gone his
way. Sent packing by sharp chatter taco beams from the arp mans surprise.
Quarter to seven of a freitag morgan and alice is at spar. Buying a seven
eleven of ready mix. Got in at eight and commenced my phone in. Danny do not
back in the frame. Yee hah. Loads a money. Spent the day in (w/m)ild you four a
you. Must spill the beans on thigh hate date. Work wise eye mean. Crack the
whip a little bit of a bit. As an aid to super knew conscienceness.
Concentratory of a kind. And so to tonite. The wimbly wrestling. Nureyev tag.
Soporific. Bailed out in the interval. Like doc sax fresh from the exorcism of
yet another grey abandoned ghost.
Saturday
26 March 1988
No dreams again today. Delayed to long.
I had a fraction but it wasnt enough. I thought a little more concentration
will produce some more. All it did was to lose what I had. Still what the hell
theres plenty more. Got up about twelve. Not bad considering I was sewing my
PJs at four this morning. Had breaky. Burgers with toms corn lettuce mayonaisse
and alvin tostiger. Yumbo brymbo. Velly tastee. Debunked the ice box. Rehoused
the convestibles on the kitchside. Laundered some sox. Coupla shirtz and pantz.
Paul came round with his new car. Went for a spin down the gate looking for
alarums in the olde shoppe. Some in the last witch to be smuggled out of
brewers vat. Rolled down to uncle johns last off for a bundle of rabbit.
Swapped my patties at regular for some half price. Quick flip switch change.
Listened to the morningside glee club. Oor jimmy singing through his bucket.
Later on watched some electrovitch of the soviet onion while spoke to pa and
had some supper. Milk and hoagies. Tried journal dune femme de chambre but
found my own more easily. Wrote a wee bit and boogied on down. Yee hah.
Sunday
27 March 1988
Clocks forward today. Hey gimme back my
hour. Our hour. Everybodys our. Woke at twenty past eight. Had a chup of choff
then went back to bed and lay glorious dream drifting til eleven. Arose like
new and set off to run around the flats accompanied by we love you. Start was
hard but after about ten minutes settled into a easy trot and just snuck on
round no bother. Missed tylney road again just like last week and went down
that other road. Got back at midday. Couldnt eat straight away. Felt too full.
I wonder is this a good sign. Ate about two after totting up the station for a
weekly and spinning a few yarns into the gaping maw of this machine. Listened
to RFM this afty for a coupla hours sacked out on the sofa. Fell in love with
jude and sean but cant tell witch is witch this season. Drank in the new
arrangement of furniture done last night hastily as I tried to fix the aerial
extension. All to no avail though the new siting of fish house and sofee is
exciting bonus. Felix please note. Then played my old geetar for about an hour.
Seem to have got new rythym in these fingers from somewhere. Must break out a
case of harpos one of these daze. Then boogied on down with janey et al. Stuck
the pace pretty good. Afterwards went out to the offy for some hymykin for the
triv purse number. Washed down the big fitment in the kitsch. A ladybugs
gravytrain. Then too the bath house. Finally boiled yardbird and vittles for
supper. Now at humph pumph the switching shower to bed. Halp heinz in fact.
Monday
28 March 1988
Woke at five with a glimmer of a dream.
Figured it was a two liner but put it down and got two page in stead. Tried to
resleep but too late. A rose at sex. Quick bight of brek. Hit the natterjack at
six singles and made it in at half seven for eleven hours straight. No break no
sweat. Rang the heiney jingle and won a tee shirt on errol flynn and charlie
bronte. Spoke to squire asparagas at the workers insurance institute. He
assures me the leg breakers are on hold and he will investigate my czech fourth
with. Survived on choco which nearly annihilated my molars. Nothing now but
wholes and the den dunning for his bawbees. What price the sandman. Went to
totters caught red and road the guide books to amsteldamsel. Found what I
wanted so didnt need to buy. El paradiso and the melkyweg. Rest I can guess. I
guess. Zu hauser bis acht. Tried uncle john but the rabbit had run to londis.
Or is it peterburg or reggies crutch. Would have eaten some spag but the mintz
was still froze. Had yardbird soup and a three dog scramble in stook. Did my
babarella exerts then watched film of grand apple while manging un petit rouge.
Salve for my aching tooty pegs.
Tuesday
29 March 1988
Woke at five. I think. Then quarter to
seven with the alarm. No dreams. Gone for six. Now its half one in the morning.
Been in the tank done my exercises with dick and jane. Bought some smokes.
Anticipate the weekend. Getting it together. Lotsa hours and all stations
firing. Had a heap of spag nearly blew me to kingdom come. The tank was quite
sublime. Now time for bed.
Wednesday
30 March 1988
Sweet amstel doon the dook. Though maybe
no if but for some strange game chance from out of a bucket good king willie
might just produce a sudden surge of fancy. Flight bound thrust of my imagined
daze gone west in a fog of two many people on two few seats. We're getting you
there is not such quick. But booked already from south coast fandango of
foreign tars and stranded truckers. Say goodbye train howdy sleepy peeps in
schipol midnite arc light glare of cold rusty docks walked ever on from dawn to
dusk. With pockets agley with loads of looker. Must spend swift rapid fire.
Dont get caught saint peter late with only the mousy pound in your four eyed
pocket. So saying will work a twenty four hour shift on mainstream solo with
three hundred hundred weight of quarto folio unabridged. Last days to go for
the warehouse number must soon pack all speed for sunny bermondsey and see
still if there there still blossoms hidebound spells of alaska factory. Soon to
go in maybe a week just over or more or maybe a month who knows. Just go and
blow. Sweet figures of numbers from storyville horn. Juggle and twist and whats
more make sense just once for double its only the one you ever first thought.
Came home once more must now still dream of a different scam for a different
trick will make the mind past flash quick quick. Like now this stack of trash
torn word like spume from a score slash down raze thick. The empty eve is one
of many for sit wait and watch. Free as a bird on an unexpected window.
Thursday
31 March 1988
Woke feeling somewhat shagged. Got in by
eight fifteen. Straight through to humph fumph. No pay to day. Didnt expect it
but had to go through motions. Double bubble next week. Provided I put this
week together over the weekend. Spoke to tim from reed. Said you left texmex
with some health problems. Cheeky fucker. Did I want to tell him about it. Who
does he think he is. Monty clift or something. Whatever. I dont think its much
to worry about. Got a real blinder of a headache in the afternoon. From a
poisoned turkey bap I think. Head pounding and pumping I left and made straight
for home. Tried listening to a relax tape when I got in. It sent me to sleep
for an hour or so but my head was still split. Also my guts which now too felt
churned sickly. Or is it sickly churned. Paul came over about half eight and
stayed til about half eleven. Talked about power systems and the inevitable
collapse of empires. Amongst a lot of other things obviously. Watched the end
of burden of dreams. Head almost falling off. Went to bed about half one.
1
Friday April 1988
Woke at ten. Had some brecon bed. Poco
cops and coffee. Fell asleep again at eleven. Got up at two. Watched a little
parsifal. Eamon called. Said we must get together for a drink. Next week
perhaps. Had some yardbird stew and moby dick for brunchinneruppertea. Watched
klaus nosferatu in beasty and the beaut. Fell asleep again through some fast
forward type chart show. Pop rang this evening. Said things well with him and
the others. He's started to clear out mum's things. Phil has taken the family
skiing in bavaria. Watched raspberry ripple sitting ducks and harold and
melvin. Head not so bad but still there thrumming away in the back. Taped a
load of stuff on been two. Writing now at gone three. Must to bed soon but not
tired. Obviously after so many zeds in the last twenty four hours.
2
Saturday April 1988
So to start at three in the morning.
Best work backward. Watching robbo fruit train and lofty. With old clips sim
sellars hancock python. Before watched matter of life and death heaven and
blood wedding. Had some liver for supper with mash cauli toms and shrooms. Went
to uncle john for supplies also do it all for paint and paper to paste the
parlour. Went out just now for fresh smokes after two days. Woke at nine this
morning. Slept on off til twelve. Went out about half two for a for mentored
goodies. Tomorrow start the refurbishment plan. Feel mostly over the blues of
last two days. Food poison or whatever. Low key day. Called next door re green
card parcel. No joy. But good. Can write them and say whats all this then. Dreams
seem to point the way of philosophy which must read. Some time. Soon hope. Saw
ron down the road. Told him I was working. Back in the status quo. Ho ho.
3
Sunday April 1988
Woke at twelve. Watched the tube with
one eye. So so. Wrote down the dreams instead. Contemplated the kitchen til
three then made a start. Had it cleared by five and started on the ceiling.
Finished that about eight and took a break. Lived on brazil presidents as the
cooker was in the lumber room. Watched some rusticana opera and the news.
Repaired to the kitchen again about nine thirty. Decided to do the job halfway
proper and washed the walls down and did a little sanding. Walls were hellish
fiddly with so many nooks and crannies. Hung on in there though and eventually
finished about six thirty in the morning. Went round to the gas station for a
pack of cigarettes and surprised old red eyes rolling one up in the back room.
Hit the sack about half seven expecting great dreams.
4
Monday April 1988
Didnt get them though. Woke about one
and got up at two thirty. Set the video for bill forsyth and peter greenaway.
Piddled about a bit. Tried to clean the paint spatters off my glasses. Used the
rough side of the kitchen scrubber and wound up peppering the lenses with fine
cobweb scratches. Forgot they were plastic although didnt think they were so
tender. Tried some others as I didnt fancy a headache. Wound up with the blood
stained ones from the time I went through the window. Finally got them cleaned
up and after a bit of GBH on the frames made them quite serviceable. Good
picture too. Then started on the vinyl tiles. Went on quite well. Got the cut
outs round the plugs okay but couldnt get the cooker one back on. Well one
screw but not two. Still got it altogether by nine and the effect altogether is
somewhat mind blowing. Well the fact that I finally did some of this after five
years is anyway. Looks good though. Will continue with this I think. Had some
stew. Discovered if you boil the meat for about a half hour its a hell of a lot
easier to cut up. Had onions and basil with it as well as carrots and shrooms.
Watched brazil wrote up my time sheet and yesterday and today and then called
it a day. A day.
5
Tuesday April 1988
So it continues. Double slugs. The
prelude to disaster. Or simply the end. Now what of yesterday. Written to day.
For all the tomorrows. What the hell happened. That I could possibly commit to
paper. Went to work. Yes. Came home. Yes. Via the super for a bag of goodies.
Did my exercises. Watched two episodes of uncle jock. Ate some boiled yardbird
and various veg. Oh gave up smoking from three in the aftie. But started again
tomorrow sharp as I rolled up the road. To the scratcher at one.
6
Wednesday April 1988
And so to today. Though its still really
only today. Though in fact now. Technically. Its tomorrow. From one day behind
to one day in front. In only ten lines. Eat your heart out jack neitsche. So
what of today. Went for a pint with jay. Yes only one. No swifties or sneakies
or bottles later on. Flex from forest gate arrived on the scene today. Not a
bad day. Quite relaxed at work. Shooting the breeze taking it easy. Did some
more exercises had a kidney grill and skin potatoes. Watched final two of uncle
jock. His finest hour. Mine too. Good night.
7
Thursday April 1988
Treble slugs already. Dont know what
time I got up but there were no dreams. Must of been reasonable. No it wasnt.
Yes it was. Well got in by quarter past eight. Wee bit slippy. No sweat. Went
for a noggin at lunch with jay. Day went reasonable well. Well for me at any
rate. The girls donna and clancy have been made redundant. Everyone says they
didnt know abouyt it but I think they all did. Just didnt tell them to con them
into working to the end. Whatever. Not my area. Felt very tired at end. Too
many double burnt candles no doubt. Had some spag. Listened to paul jones and
andy kershaw. Big joe duskin ace. Hundred club about a weeks time. Had a bath.
Sodded about. At this remove. Sunday. I'm not sure now. Took it easy I guess.
Dont I always.
Woke with the crow and slept with the
cock. Hit the alarm and had ten minutes which was an hour and ten. Went out to
buy smokes in my amtrak suit before getting ready. Had forgotten but I gave up
again yesterday from mid aftie. Back on today. Still was in by nine. Called to
reed on the way for a check. Tim interviewing a little blackbird when I went
in. They've paid me short. Will sort out next week. Rate is less and no
emperors insolence. Still cash in the bank worth blood on the scone. Was going
for the liquid amnesia with jay but the boss man came over and he went with him
instead. Worked out quite well really as I was a bit shagged and also meanly
hording my ours. Have been given the keys to the city for next week. Left at six
and home about halbe. Well knacked. Did my exercises. Had pie and cab and
spudiators. Fell asleep after. Woke to one half of interview with eurasia. Not
vince whatsit from gazoo but the other yeezer. Seems like they're leftie pink
bum communisties. Watched friday live. Eurythmics superb. Specially annie on
chill in my heart. Guy from elsewhere good also woman like normanette love.
Watched burny burny after with b movie coltrane. Moving through cadillac
tenements of childhood. Laurie and spry after. So so. Finished up with first
chapter of animal farm.
9
Saturday April 1988
Woke at ten. Coupla minimal dreams. Ian
the the bank robber allen and a quick blast of urban decay. Up about eleven for
breakie. Bacon and a three dog scramble. Went to the popticians after. My
glasses on a day out. Just made it by one. Frameless fixed and black frames
with new green glass. Then to smitty's for prezzies. Went to marks and checked
out some strides for the construction of cheapo zoots. Then zu hauser to hang
out the ziggy stardust. Then took old shoes to green street for repairs and to
timber shop in east ham high for cut offs. Finally to the super. Uncle john and
captain sensible. Did my exercises then beef stew cauli and smash. Watched ken
russell abc of brit music. Quite good but why strippers for scotland and wales.
Not that they werent good. Also v with tony harrison and intro outro for
infernal dantes lusty five. V was good but nothing to get hung about. Maybe all
the burgers got confused with pynchon. United rules seems pretty straight
forward. Dante should be pretty wild when it comes on. Finished with titan
clash. Real schlocko dc comic bash. Debunking the mythology machine.
10
Sunday April 1988
So here goes. Its two thirty in the
morning and monday morning is already here again. I've just finished some
correspondence. Always takes me ages. I dont know why? The formality of it all
I suppose. Putting your head in gear so to speak. My time sheet. At 5.25 plus
employers supplement. No doubt it'll produce a call from tim which no doubt
will be a good way of resolving the issue. I feel maybe I should of put down
straight fives but then again nothings really been resolved so might just as
well go for it all. What the hell. Thing is its easy thought of now but then an
unplanned call tomorrow can catch me unawares and knock all my resolve to shit.
Anyway we shall see what we see. Have paid off the dentist finally. Damn it the
thing is I'm always tempted to try and get away with these things. Then fall at
the final fence. I'm too tied up in the system to have the freedom to do a
runner. Then the lit guild. Finally settled on a lost cheque as a good stall.
Well I'm certainly not paying those mothers full price. They can have their
goddamn books back if it comes to that. Anyway its all done now. But not before
I started smoking again after being clean all weekend. Funny day really.
Accidently set the alarum last night which had me up at half six. Had a chup of
choff and gazed down the road for a half hour. Into space mostly. Glad of the
calm. The peace. Debated whether to make a start from there and finally settled
on a return to bed from whence I emerged at midday. Had some scrambles for
break and spent some time watching a tasty blonde put flowers on the graves.
Then wrote some yesterday dreams and finally wrote thursday to saturday in this
space age jotter. Then up dated the video records and listed out my exercise
dates. All this seemed to take most of the afternoon through being liberally
spaced with periods of mooning. Started on the dunny at five. Got the roof done
but ran out on the walls through lack of fresh rollers. Hope to get some
tomorrow. Aerobified myself and then had a huge dinner of liver and bacon
egypto spuds and green cab. Pop rang in the middle and spoke briefly. Found out
I have missed the wee fellows birthday. Still I got the parcels done and will
send them tomorrow. Watched a prog about paul bowles in morrocco. Very bland.
Ironed five shirts and attempted to clean some shoes. Ho ho. Will try again
tomorrow or go barefoot in the attempt. Now another a smoke what the hell and
to bed for a minimalist version of the somnambulist.
11
Monday April 1988
A long day. Have been up since half six
after going to bed at half three. Now writing this at half twelve. Had a long
dream this morning. About three and a half pages of notes. The most lucid for a
while. Well certainly the most easily retained. Got to work at eight. Sat
talking with mr goodie for a half hour. Discovered he was born and bred in
forest gate but that his family is originally from the shetlands. Also flex
lives just down the road from here and goes running round the long course. Day
went well quite relaxed. Got the banking busy done after wild long clues. Used
the speedy in envelopes for the first time. Hope it gets through. Posted the
parcels and had a couple of wimps for brunch. Rang timbo in the postnoon. It is
five and theres no added extra employers bunce. Still what the hell its sorted
out which is the main thing. Answer simple. More hours and less spending. Well
on none essentials. Left about five with flex. Felt guilty for not going on
tube with him. Really saw the light when the overhead took damn near an hour to
the manor. Busted points at stratford and busted trains at the gate. Missed the
cleaners so its no curtains in the kitsch. Still at three floors up what matter
apart from the obvious question of aesthetics. Went down to ilford to smitty's
and uncle john. No small mince so had to buy a cut price tray and deep six it
into the freezer. Also a turnip. Or swede as they say down here. Which is realy
a neap up there I think. After bought some tools and casting care through the
window decided these all fell into the category of essentials. Thus I ditched
my first selection of plastic cheapos and went for a swedish saw with a wooden
handle a sheep skin roller also with a wooden handle which I plan to stain and
finally a fancy metal square which combines also a rule and level and looks in
appearance somewhat like a machine pistol. Returned just in time to catch the
good folks of easter isle and their wild statues. After watched devo 68
revisited with danny blown bandit et al. Rang eamo after and found he's started
on a book. The first two pages taped were very impressive. Felt after the
inadequacy of my comment wow and references to aloysius. I guess my critical
faculties when they come right down to it are composed of one liners and
comparisons. I can never find the middle ground its always all or nothing.
Anyway what the hell. Will expound on this on friday. So what else. Oh yeah.
Flex found a nudie book down in the john this afternoon. I of course departed
poste haste to investigate and arrived just in front of one of the guys who's
come to dismantle the guillotine. Convinced in my mind that he knew exactly
what I was there for I remarked that I was just down for a slash so never got
to see it. Still something for the morn. Maybe. My god is this what life really
comes down to in the end. Enough. I must bid adieu and hit the road.
12
Tuesday April 1988
Seems so long ago at this time now
thursday that I can hardly remember it. Was up very late on monday night and
even later this night. But doing what. A yes went to see stephen. Talked about
iso tanks and aldous huxley and altered states. He is thinking of going solo
and asks me about his accounts. Talked about payment but he said no for now.
Had a ragged junket back home with shitty slow buses. Arrived about nine
thirty. Guess I ate. Yeah and watched this prog about scot and peary chasing
after the short pole. Must of started things about midnight cause I didnt get
to bed til about four. But what. Forty eight hours and its completely eva po.
Christ went to bed about half twelve thats what. Four was night before. Was
going to bathe but couldnt summon the energy. Hit in the morn instead.
13
Wednesday April 1988
Woke somewhat refreshed since the
rigours of previous nights. Had a bath which took most of the headache away I'd
been suffering from since yesterday and still am now though much less severe. Tension
maybe but about what. Being happy probably. No couldnt be that. Being content
though. Nothing much to worry about. To feed the devouring octopussy of my
ravenous white shark mind. Lack of sleep maybe. Too much exo sighs. Not enough
sweet willow thighs. Sweet william where are you now. Paul rang in the evening
and I'm going over this sat to help him with his skip to the lou. Glenys also.
No prezzies from me and phil for the wee fellows first must of been a downer
though how could she know both lost in the post. Well mine somewhat on the way
thereto. But par for the of course of course. Finished the night reading knock
out for an hour so. Just breezed the articles for any windswept salient point
to catch the mind. Fill time catch whats happening or not. As the case maybe.
But okay. Leningrad looks good. Stalingrad tractorfactorgrad wherefor art thou
now.
14
Thursday April 1988
Breezy day. Only me and flex. Mr goodie
away most of the day. David and steve came over at lunch. Steve locked the car
keys in the boot and was in a state of wild panic. Flex pissed off after shitty
interview. Stat accounts and divergent projects and all that other holy slow
shit. Went down to ilford to night on six minute tube after finally making down
there and incidentally missing a sweet speed number nine all the way. Anyway
made it to uncle johns and marky sparkies for new strides. Brown cord. My over
riding long time favourite. Now finishing this coming up to two. Time to
pirouhette down the hall.
15
Friday April 1988
Friday on sundae. At a little remove.
Twice times but good for the fingers if not for the mind. Collected my flirty
pieces of sliver. More than I thought but less than I wanted. Time says much
work about nothing. So whack in the hours for more of the same. Flex and I
alone for much of the day. Mr gee departed unseen early afternoon. Had some
wimpo charted surveyor at high panic about some cards. All ninety three quids
worth. Took a check and promised undivided attention. Ho ho. Surveyed the
building in a quieter moment. Five floors all abandoned and deserted. Small
rooms in the loft. Dickensian office of yesteryear. The lift motor in tangle of
abandoned wire. Broken door to the blistered tarmac roof balcony. Home about
six fifteen. To a box of mail shot reply cards. Shall perhaps dump the lot
unanswered back in the box. Oh deed on kidney grill and too much veg. Eamo rang
about seven thirty to say make it nine not eight. Just as well. Collapsed for
twenty minutes. Tried on brown cords. Legs too long. Or mine too short. Arrived
late but eamo later so all well. Shopping mall bar was yuppie paradiso so
adjourned to princess of di. Much calmer. One of these slipped me a foreign
seven sider. No matter. Had two pints and didnt even notice. Eamo looking very
well. Reasonablly calm. Reticent on book. Arent we all though. Eschewed the bus
and walked home. Had an early night. About half twelve. Woke half two with
spinning head of dreams but all gone in the morning.
16
Saturday April 1988
Woke at nine. On the road by half. Down
to little ilfo to change strides pick up new glasses. Ages in popticians. Spex
okay though. Green and clear. Havent worn them yet. Back to green street in
monsoon. Spun past here at eleven and checked car park for no sign of snow joe.
Got the shoes. Mock turtle loafers okay. Half and half brogues kaput. Will try
myself in a rope thats worn. Snooper glue more like. Rang snow joe at twelve
for sign of the times. Missed by quarter to vee quarter passed. Arranged new
time half one. Pick up in red fiesta. Collected capri bearings after watching
end of capt tahiti on paradise isle. Set to the skip about three. Saved a whole
lot of frogs. Set free in the wildlife park back of the garage. Took about four
hours or so. Punctuated by attempts to rescue tim from next doors garage roof.
After valiant attempts failed returned home to be met by tim walking down path
to meet us. Had spud onion toad for supper. Not a success. Nobody else thought
so which was good let out for me. Put the bearings on the evening with much
hammering. Watched splash about the mermaid. Home about half ten. Bearings
still crunching so must be something else. Watched friday live. Pogues so so.
Loads o money good. Ben elton superb. Down in the inferno with editors sun and
star. After started rape of lucretia. Not much good. Cant understand the words
without titles which they dont give for britten on account he's english. Done
as modern costume on spare sets. Only watched the first act and fighting the
zeds at the time so maybe this description somewhat biased. Whatever. Read my
own stuff for about an hour. Dreams diary and the road. Crashed at three. Shot
out the sky on the edge of a dream.
17
Sunday April 1988
Running at the end as usual. Twenty five
to two so here goes. Fast and furious. Woke at eight considered a run had a cup
of coff and went back to bed. There to reconsider. Feeling real knackered after
yesterdays exertions. Woke again at one. Good move. Slept all the way through.
Had a leisurely breakfast then read the remains of last weeks papers. Films and
books from thursday friday. Looked through the book reviews from time out for
the last month. Decided on silent twins as best first then probably cops. Some
others though like burroughs trilogy plus his cut up mate. Also some names barthelme
and clellon holmes. Then wrote preceding couple of days. Did some washing.
Started on the bathroom at six. Finished at ten and watched lucky sunil. Burnt
the stew on two instead of one. Bit of a wash out with cauli. Then a timesheet.
Some exercise and finally this. Now for some cigs then bath and bed.
18
Monday April 1988
Up at half six. Felt not bad despite
lack of sleep. But worse later. Rang tim then central about cert inc. Sounds
like unbridled cock up. Would I care for a copy? Have promised to return but as
of now wednesday no sign. Caught the cold somewhere in there. Wheezing and
sneezing and ticking most of the day. Still managed ten and a half hours. Came
home and bought some lousy spuds from alpha. No doubt they're peeved I've quit
drinking. Ate then watched half of comfort and joy. Dont know which. I didnt
feel either. To bed at half ten. Slept right through.
19
Tuesday April 1988
Feeling somewhat better this day.
Leastways woke a bit recovered. Jay arrived about eleven. Met him on the way to
the sandwich bar for a latest on the persian situation from stavros and the
lovely stavrina. Returned to much talk for the rest of the day. Import export
jobs atlantis private practices et al. Jay was talking of a job with a car at
atlantis but I dont know how realistic this is. Or even is the offer serious.
Or am I serious? We'll see. Home to another early night. Fell asleep at the
doors of perception. Woke twice to mini dreams I didnt record. Otherwise slept
through.
20
Wednesday April 1988
Strange day. Travelled in with the
rockyesque girl from yesterday. Travelled home with the blonde who reminds me
of someone I cant remember. Also from yesterday. In before mister gee.
Collected fresh coffee and receipts. When collecting the feloushe chatted him
up for more details of the biz. He said he was going at eleven but was still
there at two. Indeed on returning from the sarnie barry I looked in and thought
for one awful moment he'd had an attack or something and was lying there
slumped over the desk. However it turned out he was still reading cowboy blues
and in the best of health. I repaired up stairs to munch rolls. Prepared today
grudgingly by the lovely stavrina after much prompting by stavros. Finished the
ticking thank god and spent the day in intermittent talk of boxes with flex.
Flex came over tonight with a video and we had a couple of beers. Paul phoned
and will be over tomorrow all being well. Dad also. He's going to toot next
week and then on to france. Suddenly realised this makes a month today. Well
done son. What does it all mean though. Bought the charles adams mag and will
see to a reply tomorrow. Would of done tonite but its too late. Late nights
catching up. Caught up. So long.
21
Thursday April 1988
Woke just before the alarm. On the
remains of a dream. It stayed and I wrote down a few lines. Hinted at more but
I couldnt get it. Now I cant remember at all. No matter its down in red on the
old steno pad I started in lloyd still last year. Still the jumble of
unfinished ideas still waiting for a way forward. Left a little earlier but
still just missed the barbers train.
Got the later one but no sign of rocky unless she had metamorphosed into
someone blander and stronger and altogether far less beguiling. Started putting
the thing together at work. The fiddly pieces of the recalcitrant jigsaw.
Pleasant enough. Jay arrived via stones at the window at about eleven thirty
and that was that. The situation re the job much more down to earth. Not now
later seems the word. More irons in the fire. Talk of another takeover. Have to
let the dust settle. See the lie of the land when its running right. Jay seems
less committed to the deal than on tuesday though he still test drove a jag
this morning after a round of golf. Went to the pub next door for lunch about
half two. Flex too. Returned half three to find dave and steve attacking the
computer. Steve in usual manic form had the machine spewing paper to six. Dave
threw the towel in then and left it to jay who called up the debtors in about
ten minutes. After to the cockpit for a half and a half. Saw a woman with
gorgeous legs. All three. Talking tax
and compo low. Home well to about eight and a quarter. Dirty dishes in a full
sink and no hot aqua. Managed to eat at last and nearly missed snow joe whilst
munching manicly absorbed on some fractured bone from a yardbird and honcho pie
which I hastily mistook for a portion of crumbling tooth. Talked the while of
all manner of the world. Epping john and the lost cars. Chess with ivan in
dublin. Blue movies from the video palace and the others from the art house.
Much else. You know life and the whole damn bit. Very relaxed. Mellow. Shooting
the breeze like its supposed to be shot. After watched the trib and trial of a
venez shaman doped out on acid. Well not really. Large jungle leaves mostly.
Effect supposedly the same though hard to tell as not much happened but pygmies
having primals and a few good boobs for the anthropologists camera. Making the
scene with a national geographic magazine. Then to here to wander down the
dusty corridors of shallow keys of homespun make believe. Then later perchance
to dream.
22
Friday April 1988
Late at two but here on the day. Time is
important. If I wrote this an hour before it would be different. I'd say
different things. Think of other things to say. Probably not this though I did
think of this last night but never got it down. Or was it earlier tonight. Who
knows. Then again if I waited another hour it would be something else again.
But then later to the road for more of the same from a different tack. As last
night late til three or so or something. Did some more. Worked from shortest
chapter at random connections. Auto slot and all the rest. The sunken merry
grow ground. Twenty four hours to phoenix rising. Tulsa gene and his fast
picking fingers. Hitting out lonesome words from splendid isolation. Whilst
accompanied on phono hook with euro rhythmics. Courtesy of snow joe thursday
with trent derby and suza vegas. Considering the day from the small lost end.
Seems so long ago now. Back to the start the oh so slow elusive beginning. From
kind of late in after a leisurely bathe in shampoo hair wash. To the office for
timbo no way. Saw other two ladies one called ruth one called red. Got the loot
and checks for flex. Lazy easy day. Jay stoned at eleven. Finally find out he
has taken the job from last friday. Test drove a granada today. Still very
confusing situation though with possible break up of his partnership. Hang in
for golden splinters. Catch the diamond shrapnel. Finally left late for lunch
with boss and paul. The final crunch perhaps. I'm sure he's not that sure. Will
be interesting to see of what if any develops next week. Flex tried the oxford
A&P at lunch and returned with some possibles. Will give em a bell dell
next week. I took the the time sheets to bishops. Timbo more than somewhat
noncommittal. Will mount a full assault next week. General offensive on all and
sundry. Public and private. Office there generally chaotic with bina one ray of
calm. Asked for hours by red after presenting the sheets. Spent the rest of the
afternoon jiving the box. Home here clear at quart of seven. To exercise and
boiled yardbird. Then to brittens turn of the screw. Dropped off during last
act. Woke just in time for friday live. Watched james cain butterfly in
between. Not at all as dire as all reports. Finished up with enfield harry
cockney ealing chappie. Then to the keys for middle distance. Slowing waking
up. Will shoot to the other now.
23
Saturday April 1988
A very forgetful day. Keep forgetting
the steam heater. Walked to little ilfo with no money. Lost spare batteries
down the lining of warwick blue jacket. Now sat at this wondering what to say.
Thinking I'll be lucky to get a half a line out of this lot. Probably wind up
with a page and a half. No that would be too much. Spoil the symmetry. Even
this circumspect intro is only a way round it. The silence. The emptyness. The
always alert subco trying to please. Infecting me with its disease. But maybe
double thought for it seems to work. Should apply to the dreams. But then I
always do. Indeed the dreams told me. Showed me though the systems still not
perfect for I dont get them all. Even willfully as this morning at six when I
woke briefly for a slash feeling so down with dream scenes I couldnt
contemplate them at all and wanted only to return to sleep in the shortest
possible time. Which latter was easy as I only retired at five. Walked
slumberingly to the crease. But should of taken it down however painful for
possible clues and keys. Rose eventually at eleven and spent a full hour in
here staring down the road considering the flatz and whether I was up to it.
Finally concluded no which was wise as it was something of a bollock freezer
out there today. Funny thing about it though I had hardly any sensation of time
and know not a jot what I was thinking all the while. Just drift dreaming awake
on my feet. Most pleasant though apart from small modicum of unease concerning
my unwillingness to hit the road. Wrestling with the whip really. And winning
so say no more but enjoy. Finished off benjy brit screw top then ice cream and
joy and a little more lucretia. Set out for the shops at three. All set for
summer by sign of the sun and appeared in a late coming winter. Bracing though
as I strode purposefully twenty yards ahent the omni hoping to intercept a
stop. Never did but kept the pace for at least half way. Then on the border of
the city limit decided to check the banco balances at green machine and
discovered no money no cheques. Should of found one of those garages with the
multi gifts turned out my pockets and said fill them up. Returned by bus almost
as long as walking. Set sail once more a full hour later. Though it did occur
to me that on leaving on the previous occasion I had as usual paced back and
fro wondering if I was really set. Checked smokes and music machine and steam
heat and thought alles in ordnung. Ho ho. Second time around went down the
hoist on account of probably less traffic in. Again walked most of the way down
due to no good omni on the foreseeable horizon. Still checked out markys blue
strides for second hand suit. No way joes. Will consign the jacket to the
eponymous beat section. Checked namesakes books and came away with the silent
twins. Which already have started on earlier this abend. Got all the goodies
including some just stockpile. A chain link tab had me froze for a second as
wild thoughts of not enough careered through my mind. But plenty in fact.
Caught a bus on the door home. Rocked and rolled upstairs for want of a seat so
had a front seat smoker instead. Tried chuck steak with lentils which was not
half bad. Well couldnt any other really at a third the price from late shop
sat. Finished off with maria who really dares.
24
Sunday April 1988
Half one. A quick run. Woke at nine
thirty. Straight back to sleep. Afterwards hardly even remembered I was awake.
Slept til twelve. Magic. At last. Got up and stared through the windows again
for an hour. Most relaxing. Decided against violent exercise. Rightly so as it
was still cold as I found out later on the siegfreid line. Repaired to the
horizontal and read the twins til three. Then up for the wash and start of some
boring correspondance which took me eventually to twelve to get done. Its just
so boring. Had burger and greens and toms and corn for breakie about five. Was
going to watch macverdi later but had to settle for a tape. Still managed to
aerobify myself and clean some shoes. Watched a prog on poverty in everyman
dublin. Made some spag bog which I ate about one. After had a peach yog which
seemed in the spirit of the thing. Then this quick burst and now bed.
25
Monday April 1988
Monday. Morning came almost as soon as I
hit the sack. Had another twenty minutes. Nothing much. Til quarter past seven
thats all. Arrived in about half eight. Very lazy day. Flex was at the day
centre for a second interview and didnt arrive until half eleven. Spent most of
the day taking it easy. Resolving to do more on tuesday. Read the guillotine
mag somewhat in the morning. Well reads an overstatement mostly. Quick flip
really. Pretty boring really. Only did it to prove I could. Really! Kept
rallying for a final assualt up hill forty nine but it never materialised.
Mostly spent lots of the day gassing and gazing out the window at the boxes.
Was going to go bloody poetry in the eveing but felt too kerried. Went to
christophe wren with flex for three pints. Was going to have only two but we
each ended up buying halves for the road. The mans a fast drinker. Second came
about two inches into the first. Still I suppose I was once too. Kept that kind
of pace going all night til time or the black out intervened. Very pleasant
drink though. Flex said to come over at the weekend. Shoot the breeze. Arrived
home on good tube and omni after just starting to walk it. Made a huge meal.
Salad fish and yardbird with assorted veg. Probably over did it. Bacon butties
would of been more the thing. Certainly the sally add was dodgy ground after
three pints on a yorkie and have a round of toast and marmalade that flex
brought in. Specially as this was the most ambitious drink in six weeks. In
fact probably increased the six week tote by thirty three and a third per at
one swell hoop. Almost had a jam follow through betwixt salad and fish. Not too
bad but a change of drawers for safetys sake. In a good cause though as I had a
blinder of a head coming on and no show neurofen. Well thought it was. A good
meal to clear the little tubes above the back of the kneck that draw tight as
bow strings after even only a short lay off and even shorter drawn pints. All
to no avail apart from gastonomic considerations. Well almost lentils did not
farewell with the yardbird. Did watch brond part one though somewhere in
amongst all this. So with head expploding I headed out to the western skies
about midnight. Only to awke about three with a strange dream I couldnt
remember but nagged the tip of my tongue. Head still pounding I had a chupp of
choff and dove back in.
26
Tuesday April 1988
Woke first at quarter past six with head
a throb of gristle. Lay there til woke again by angry stab of alarm. After sack
racing over to extinguish it collapsed once more for another halbe stunder.
Then commenced juggling my head into horizontal with as little movement as
possible. Once achieved head to kitsch for coffee. Whilst preparing this
realised I could remember the whole dream I'd been dreaming and resolved to
write it down. This done by eight I again decided more horizontal sustenance
was in order. Thus putting back some more the opening clock. No prob its first
and last time in six weeks there and me now master of whatever this dainty ship
of destinty might hold. So saying lay a while in idle fantasy willing all the
time the demise of this paining head. When all else failed settled on hank snow
and set sail once more at half past the hour. Well sailed into several sessions
on the bengazi. However. Took to the road at nine with the twins and was saved
the embarrassment of not buying a paper by virtue they were all sold then
anyway. In by quarter to ten. Not bad. For a quick burst. Not bad. Til eleven
when jay arrived for a general session of shooting the breeze til pub time at
two. Just the two of us as flex had departed for forest east in search of a
months allowance from several post offices all closed. Started once more to
make in roads about half three amidst gathering gloom of no solution til at
five cracked it with late posted cash. Then plain sail til drinks at six. One
and half then rush to the charing greenwich later train I thought was at
quarter to but was the hour. So bought a casey bill burger and fries and ate
down the road whilst looking for a kiosh full of golden virginia. Arrived at
steves about twenty past not bad. Discussed dreams mostly. Last nights prison
break mostly but also bits of terry belle and the phone call. His observations
confirm my own and illumine some other areas for consideration. Home on the bus
after a slash under the motorway viaduct. Then walked from start to here.
Refreshing the parts etc Steam head almost gone now. Having been writing the
while so will kick it into touch and head for a bee ell tee and a bath and
maybe some swiss concocted art deco gershwin.
27
Wednesday April 1988
Gone midnight. Not too far. Having been
lazing around awhile. Watching tveedeo eating snacks. Snacking? No slacking
more like. Taking it easy. Had a bath looked out some agencies for the morrow
if I get time. Heard the phone in the bath between tracks on the phono. Didnt
bother as I didnt know how long it had been ringing. Also I was ringing. Kept
wondering after who it was. Though I can safely narrow it down to about three
or four people. Well maybe five. Thing was though I went like the clappers to
get in by nine as I thought it would go and I'd get caught and miss it. Well
that was right enough. Still the wonders still there. But it was needed and
therapeutic too for all my aches and pains. Tension hangovers toothache numbness incontinence shaky and generally
the fluff beneath the armour all sneaking out at once. Not too bad now though.
Watched brond two brandenburg ghosts staccato. Almost missed the end of that
though I only watched with one eye some of the time. Jay was in again today
talking of jobs which seem to have reduced yet again. Even talked money though
we're poles apart there. Didnt get up to march and feb was a sod so just added
it all up and it was close so I said what the hell and left it at that.
Progress at last and indeed. Flex heard from the day centre. Well messages left
they'd call him tonight. Cardboard city comes through. Go for it. Walked out of
a sandwich bar designed like take your pick after waiting too long for
something I didnt want in the first place but only went in cause I couldnt make
up my mind not too. Had a fair to middling idea in the bath for a book based
around phones. The creeping plague of handsets from which theres no escape. If
theres no work next week I'll write it. Must work out a plot. I can see a few
visions in my head though and they seem okay. Thing is will they transfer all
right to paper. Always a problem. The transition from blood to mud. Still its
all really just perspiration they say. Will see. Should I try and finish all
that other stuff first. Its been there for years though. Maybe it clutters my head
though. Should I empty it like the dreams and pocket notes. Aphoristic catch
phrases I hope will release the flood behind it. But I never know for I only
read any of them to precipitate more of the same. They all hold some keys. Like
reaching the other side of the prison the other night. That must be a change as
is this with here nothing of minutia of times and the contents of my alimentry
canal. Though this really simply its intellectual equivalent without the inward
rhyming. Which is not needed here anyway as that is all included automatically.
As all of this everything is just fed out on auto. Best way as it surprises me
as much as anyone else. After all if I spent a lot of time thinking what to say
what would then be the point in writing it anyway. I do that readily enough in
spoken speech so why wait in written. Why indeed. Right? Right. Good night.
Thursday 28 April 88
Work as usual now near the end and I'm
rushing. Much to do tomorrow. Though only the search for needless perfection.
Rang tim and he has a job for next week. Went for a drink after with jay and
maggie. To the rising sun pretty crumby then next door far better. Had two
pints and a scotch. Went down fine. On four neurofen from a raging head again
once more. Came home to a light meal and fascinating aida plus a little handel.
Now feel just fine though head a little sore. Coffee and bed called for.
Friday 29 April 88
Fiday so bad. So bad it is written on
saturday at seven in the evening having just gotten up. Still somewhat sodden on
inside and out. Out from the bath where I have just emergrd after spending
perhaps an hour lying considering everything. Always a bad sign bathing. The
washing off of sins whether real or really imagined. Now I sit here slumped
upon the keyboard in a pair of pink pyjamas a dressing gown and a balaclava to
help try and contain the raging mares afoot within my head. But back to friday.
Headed in okay. Called at the office early. No one there. Went in started up.
Tried to get finished. No good started stumbling. Jay rang early said he would
be there later in the afternoon as he waouldnt have time to get from the
office. Though I dont think he was really there but really at home. Anyway so
much to the good but it still didnt help as I couldnt get the thing together.
Now it haunts me. Scares me chases me. Ruins my weekend. But why. Only my pride
I suppose. My foolish foolish pride. Laziness and guilt too as well. All mixed
in. So much so that I will have to go in tomorrow and maybe monday too. Not
because of them but because of me. Because of this raging ravening beast amok
inside me that says I must do it it is the only way forward the only way to
salvation out this mess. My savage pride hit for six. I said I'd do it then
found it couldnt be done. Also am so confused between doing it privately or
publicly through reed. Also flex whether to include him. I feel he wont really
be of much help but have somehow found myself cast in the role of his guardian
angel. Especially as he went out and bought the beers yesterday. For us all to
have a last drink a fond farewell. Though it turned out not in the way jay or
indeed I imagined as each of us drew up our battle lines to debate the pros and
cons of the thing. Which is really why is it not done. Wrong information from you
was my underlying conviction. Wrong methods by you was his. Though he reread
his instuctions still pinned to the wall in green tickertape from six weeks ago
and after was strangely silent. The absence of july cash no doubt the crowning
glory. Mine not his. The achilles heel over which I gloriously stumbled to hide
all the other little quibbles. That I should of done more in the past. That I
lulled myself into a false sense of security. I can do that. Give us a job.
Give him a job. My own sense of meaness at the cost of it all even if it is
only the cost of my wages. The sages of win. But I lost ultimately in terms of
the game of chess with death inside my head. Now must go back again
quixotically like lancelot tipping at windmills. Hero ward at his own wake.
Finding out the truth of it all. So now what must I do but go in tomorrow
though I feel I wont be paid perhaps and then what then. I'll have the
sanctimonious satisfaction of knowing I kept my end up. Though this will cut
small ice with my creditors. So we talked on and on. Jay going back to his
notes that he said previously to ignore flex getting quietly pissed in the
corner. Then about half six quarter to seven we called it a day. Jay saying
then he should have been back for a drink at sutton at half five as if to turn
the screw much harder on my guilt. But what then of his for after all did he
not use the place as his hidey hole from all and sundry whilst plotting his
next moves engaging us along the way as willing accomplices. Though he I fear
he didnt properly calculate the price he must pay for this heavenly sanctuary
of decaying dusty dickensian warehouse. So he left eventually flex and me
staring at two cans. Flex remarked quite innocently no doubt that I would be
staying to plan out the ultimate solution whilst he would call it a day and hit
the road. Pointing at the remaining can I had already opened the other he
remarked that they would be devided fairly and that was mine. What could I do.
I bid him farewell and a good weekend though he said he may call today but as
of this time seven thirty has not done so unless it was at a time when I was
comatose or sunken in the bath. I continued a while til gone eight but without
a clear sight of a solution and all the time my head was ringing paining me louder
and louder so that even the smallest movement became one of intense pain. I
dont know why this is but always occurs in the spells in between drinking bouts
when I am for the most part dry but for one reason or another mostly social
pressure venture out into the ways of drinking. Though this today could not be
construed as in anyway of herculean proportions it nevertheless produced a rage
in my head that was nonetheless in this same proportion. Though from nothing
really. A can of special brew I havent tried since my smope doking daze. Two of
mcewans and one of kestrel of which flex waxes most lyrical. The social drink
my only downfall. Though mostly I pray for social situations so who can really
blame them. Eventually I called it a day. It was friday night tuesday was a
long way a way. I set sail into the night. Past the sandwich bar where hours
earlier stavrina had wished me a good weekend. The journey home was good
getting both an underhead and an overhead more or less immediately but it did
nothing for the raging ache. On arriving home I called in at the offy one I
dont use too often for a bottle of bells. I made it home and after a glass fell
mercifully asleep for about forty five minutes. I was woken by the phone. It
was glenys inquiring if I was thinking of going for the weekend as dad was
down. I said of course none of the foregoing. Only that I was tired and
planning a somewhat restful weekend. It was dad it turned out who rang on
wednesday. They are all well there having been to the school fayre that I had
gone to when down last year. Graham had just got back from america. Earlier
than planned as he had not stopped off at the windy city. After I watched the
last episode of friday live which made a nice counter point to my friday dead.
Then to bed to die.
Saturday
30 April 88
But not for long. I think perhaps I woke
once in the night maybe with good dreams as well. I do have them though they
never stay. Still whatever I was in no mood to get them down. Then I woke at
seven. Feeling awful. Deathly the pits. I may of had a cup of coffee. I cant
remember now. My head was still aching. Still is even now though faintly or
maybe I've just gotten used to it now after about a week. I think maybe I read
as well for a wee while but thankfully I fell once more into sleep and woke
once more at eleven. I got up drifted about and eyed the remains of last nights
glass. There was perhaps an inch left in it. I gulped it down and immediately
felt better. I ate same cakes and malt loaf and retired to bed once more where
I commenced to finish the twinnies. It seems apt to do this as I originally saw
the film on the eve of starting this job I have just finished. Or almost have.
Then somewhere in between I bought and started it. Have been reading
intermittently ever since. I finished it at two then tried reading some more of
the ticket that exploded which I started in lloyd still last year. But after
four pages of kiki and ali getting up baboons ass it all got a bit boring and I
fell asleep once more til about five when I spent a languid hour soaking in the
tub. Always a bad sign as I said way back at the start of all this. Now I sit
forlornly morosely scribbling in this gathering gloom. Getting it all down as
best I can. Dreaming always of tomorrow the promised land of redemtion.
Cardboard city somewhere beneath the south bank. Writing something real and
meaningful. Instead of just this hopeless meandering tepid intensity of trivia
which is nonethless easy to do so no doubt that is why I do it. Who knows. Not
me. Thats for sure. I am just an unwilling recipient. An innocent particpant.
Stuck the while in these all consuming chains.
